Really? My Nate? Please tell me! I'm dying here! I need to know!

Here is the post! Hope you like it! And yes, your computer chair is frightening!

Yeah, that was the idea.......I'm posting now. But I might have to divide the chapter into two parts because it's very, very long.

Yeah....I was going to have someone try to break up the wedding.......but I thought that enough bad things had happened to the characters. So, I just let them have a peaceful wedding.

Hey! Wonderful and fabulous you!?! You're starting to sound like Nate! Thanks for the compliments! Well, this next post is funny.........but I do think the surprise is going to have to wait. 'Cause this post is extrememly long.

You're back ! Where have you been? You need to post in your fic *pokes until you post*!

Hi, nice to meet you! And welcome to my fic! Yeah, the deaths are not going to be fun to write........but this post is really hilarious........or at least I think so. I hope you like it!

We did? Oh yeah! That's funny! I'm so sorry that I have to do this, but this chapter takes up three microsoft word pages.......so you'll have to wait until tomorrow for the surprise! Sorry everyone!


Chapter 28: Aren't Speeches a Blast?

Remus and Camey had gotten a nice quiet wedding. However, the reception was quite noisy; because about 100 people attended! Because Remus couldn’t decided on a best man, both James, and Sirius delivered the speech.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Sirius began. “Thank you for joining us today; to celebrate the marriage of these two wonderful people.”

“Firstly, I’d just like to say that Remus is one of my oldest friends. Without his guiding hand while we were growing up, I would be half the man I am today………and certainly twice as popular!”

Remus laughed particularly hard at James's joke. “I would also like to remind you, that the more you laugh at my jokes the faster my speech will be delivered.”

Again everyone laughed.

“I’ve known Remus for 10 years,” Sirius said. “And, I’m delighted for him on his special day, and even more delighted at being his best man – because he is the best man I’ve ever known.”

James spoke next. “When Remus asked me to be his best man I was initially thrilled at the prospect. But it didn't take long for this feeling of well being to dissolve into utter apprehension as I remembered the last time I had to stand up in front of a room full of people. I was found guilty and fined 200 galleons...”

Everyone laughed except Lily; she just sighed, and muttered, “James!”

“So I hope you will be a little bit more forgiving and lenient than the last lot were.”

Camey turned to Remus, laughing. "I didn't know they were this funny!" she exclaimed.

Remus sighed. "Yeah, you didn't have to live with these jokers!" he laughed.

“Being the best man is a very stressful task,” Sirius explained. “And at every wedding I’ve gone to, they make a joke about it. At this point in the speech, the best man will say ‘Being best man is like making love to the Queen Mother - it's a great honor - but nobody wants to do it’. However, I find this joke idiotic, and embarrassing; so don’t worry Remus-” Sirius said with a wink. “I’m not going to tell it.”

“Actually, being the best man is a big responsibility, and one that I have
not taken lightly.” James said. “I conducted a lot of research to make sure that I wouldn't forget anything, and came up with a checklist of what my basic duties should be:”

James began the list. “Item 1: Arrange the Stag Night (which is the bachelor party).” James paused. “The less said about this the better; but I can assure you all that Remus does look rather fetching in an neon pink afro.”

Remus, Sirius, and James exchanged smirks. Camey, Vi, and Lily looked from each other to the guys. The looks on their faces clearly said ‘WTF?’.

James continued. “Item 2: On the wedding day, bring loads of cash in case
there is anything the groom may have forgotten to pay for. Well, ever since I have known Remus, I have had to do this so that’s nothing new.”

Remus blushed; he’d always been very touchy about his lack of money. But, he wasn't too upset because he knew James and Sirius weren't trying to make fun of him. Oh who was he kidding? Of course they were!

“Item 3:” James went on, “Help the groom dress himself. Actually, Remus did fine. But it took a while to persuade Sirius that the Church had a strict no jeans and trainers policy!”

Apparently Sirius hadn’t known that was a part of the speech, because he scowled at James while everyone laughed at him. But, he did eventually join in, laughing.

“Item 4: Ensure that the groom is sober, punctual, has his shoelaces tied, his flies done up, and uses the toilet before the service-”

James suddenly stopped. “Oh damn! I knew I had forgotten something! You can go to the toilet now, Remus!”

Sirius spoke after the laughter died down. “It was my responsibility to make sure all of the guys’ faces and hair were in order. I think that this duty is quite unfair; especially with James. If God couldn't do it the first time what chance do I have?”

Lily laughed along with everyone else. She had tried, several times, to tame James’s hair; but it just couldn’t be done!

Sirius continued, “The rules also stated that I should sing the praises of the groom and tell you all about his good points. So what can I say about him? Well, he's handsome, witty, intelligent, charming, and er..errrrr…” Sirius stopped. “Sorry Remus, I can't read your writing.”

Sirius turned to James. “What does that say?” he asked, pointing to his paper.

James squinted. “No……I can’t read it either, sorry.”

Sirius brought it over to Lily. She burst out laughing, and whispered something into Sirius’s ear.

“Oh, yeah!” Sirius exclaimed. “It was ‘good in bed’, sorry.”

Violet laughed so hard that she spit her coffee all over the table. Sirius laughed, “But, it looks like someone doubts that!”

James spoke. “It is customary, at this point, for the best man to launch a severe character assassination of the groom and to tell you a bit about the stag party; but Sirius, and I, are far too scared of Camey to do that. So I will instead give Remus some advice, which I hope he will find useful in the years to come.”

After a breath, James began again. “Remus, I have only two things to tell you:

1. There are 5 rings involved in marriage: Engagement ring, wedding ring,
suffering, torturing and enduring.”

Everyone looked at Lily and laughed. Lily scowled at James, mouthing the words ‘you’ll pay’.

After the laughter subsided, James said, “And 2. There are three sacred words in marriage, which you must use constantly:

‘you're right dear’.”

Sirius said, “Now, it gives me great pleasure (and immense relief) to ask you all to stand and raise your glasses:”

“Camey and Remus may your years ahead prosper with love, affection, health & happiness, which you both richly deserve.... To Camey and Remus.” James toasted.

Sirius said, “And now, please clear the dance floor. It is time for the Bride and Groom’s first dance.”