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Old 01-10-2004, 09:47 PM   #19 (permalink)
OliverWoodsBabe4E
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Waisting away again
Posts: 231
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You are truely a great writer. I know that you will make it far. I think that A walking Contradiction is my favortie. It really has no limitations. It was fun, witty and angry all at once. I love hate. Okay secondly, In Oh my god, there is just something that doesnt fit right here, I mean it is great and very intrigueing but I think this is what threw me off from the beginig.
Quote:
One night, somewhere, someplace in the past,
But it really doesn't matter when,
I lay in a bed that seemed colder then,
And my tears were falling wicked fast.
Okay, Tears and a cold bed fit in perfectly together, but I dont think that the word wicked worked too well in there. The rest of your poem seems very intellectual, and wicked just kinda threw me off there. Also, I think you threw fast in there just to rhyme, but it still sounds just as good. =) Okay now on loud and drunk, I think this is a very good poem, except for your rhymetical changes. The begining has no rhyme scheme and the rest of it rhymes very well. But the poem itself is very powerful.

I love them all and just wanted to provide you with some helpful critisim as you did to me!
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