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Old 01-03-2004, 07:38 AM   #302 (permalink)
Cassirin

Legacy!!

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Join Date: Sep 2003
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Hogwarts RPG Name:
Mercer Branxton
Ravenclaw
Seventh Year

x7 x8
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Made of Awesome | Ern-la the Best-wa | TZ's Apogee

I did it! In the spirit of Zymurgy... my first double dare. Two for the price of one!

Dean Thomas had a plan... he knew he wasn't interesting enough or talented enough to be the star of his own fic. Try as he might, the Trio always managed to overshadow whatever efforts he was making to draw attention. Really, all he had going for him was that he was a good artist and had a very creative mind. So, he made up this plan.

First, he wrote a letter to... someone suggesting that Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would be the perfect site of the next Whatever Idol auditions. There was a large untapped market of singing and dancing wizards who were as yet undiscovered by the rest of the world. I don't know how he managed it, but they agreed and HOGWARTS IDOL was scheduled to begin shortly.

Next, he approached Seamus to get his help.

"Look, Seamus, you're my best friend, and I need your help desparately."

"Are you hurt? Are you bleeding? Oh... do you need to copy my Potions essay? What's wrong?" Seamus looked deeply worried.

"Nothing like that. It's just that I NEED to win this Hogwarts Idol so that I can be the center of attention, and I want your help. With my artistry and your stellar voice..."

"SHH!" Seamus demanded. "That's a secret. I don't want everyone hear knowing that I can sing or they'll make me do all sorts of stupid things."

"That's stupid, Seamus. PLEEEEEEEEASE." Unbeknownst to anyone, Dean was also a very effective whiner... and Seamus agreed.

The day of the auditions drew near, and everywhere students were raiding their filing cabinets and empty pizza boxes for the right pair of socks and for a spare nailclippers... just in case. Excessive quantities of outfits missing sleeves, bellies, knees, and other important (or at least to your very modestly dressed author) parts were donned... as well as lots of glittery makeup. Finally, they all lined up in the Great Hall, and Dumbledore introduced the judges.

"First... we have Madonna. Because she already appeared in a fic and isn't afraid of us. We also have two random Backstreet Boys that no one really cares about anymore." Everyone gave a rather sad round of applause, because they pretty much had never heard of any of these Muggle singers. "Now, let's get our singers up here and see what kind of talent Hogwarts has to offer." The cheering grew louder.

First on the stage was Cho Chang, who really needs to be informed that I don't like her and therefore she will have a stinky voice. She sang "I Could Have Danced All Night," from My Fair Lady and then promptly burst into tears and gave an extremely LONG rendition of her Yule Ball date with Cedric. Next came "Bibidibobidiboo," from Cinderella, sung by Luna Lovegood. Strangely, enough, everytime she said... that long word that I don't want to type again, something exploded. Eventually she realized it really was a magic word and kindly left the stage. Then came "Singing in the Rain," which Ron was absolutely delighted to be able to perform. He even had a little parasol and Hermione had charmed some rain to fall. Of course, he slipped in a puddle and nearly drowned, but that really added to the effect. Or so Hermione told him.

The judges needed an aspirin break, so there was a short intermission. After that came the Creevey brothers who sang the goat herder song from the Sound of Music. Complete with sound effects and a strange goat wearing a poncho. They had to chase it when it tried to eat Dumbedore's hat. Lavender, Parvati, and Padma Patil sang a shrilly rendition of "Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof, giggling the whole time. Then Neville sang "Getting to Know You," from The King and I, while staring at Madonna. She finally got freaked out and made him leave.

When Seamus came on stage, the judges were beginning to be quite scared of 'Hogwarts Talent.' Somehow, the flashing green letters on his "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" t-shirt calmed them, and when he burst into song, they all sighed in delight. He sang, "I Feel Pretty," from West Side Story, which normally would be a tad shocking and weird, but from Seamus's glorious voice, it was only right. No one could ever sing that song that well again.

As soon as he finished, Madonna hopped onto the stage and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek. "Bravo! Wonderful! You were fantastic!" Seamus blushed and thanked her.

"You TRAITOR!" Dean screamed from off-stage and ran full-tilt at Seamus. He tackled him and they rolled off stage. "I designed that t-shirt! You didn't say anything! We had a deal!"

"Stop with all the exclamation points," the author called from the audience. "You are making me very tired."

Madonna and the two random BSB guys turned and stared at Cass. "What exactly is the meaning of all this?" Madonna queried. "They all sang show tunes."

"My fault, I'm afraid. I showed Muggle musicals for the entire flight back from Disney Land. I'm afraid all they know of Muggle music is that."

"And their bad skills?"

"Also my fault... it's funnier to write that way."

"What about the boy tackling the beautifully-voice boy?"

"I guess that's my fault too. Dean feels neglected by me and was trying to make an impression."

A goat ran across the stage wearing a poncho. The three turned to look at Cass.

"So very much not my fault. CREEVEY'S! Your goat is loose."

A strangely familiar penny rolled down the aisle and disappeared beneath some seats. The three looked at Cass again.

"Look! Nearly everything here is my fault... but THAT penny is B2M's fault. His name is Phil, if anyone asks." The three judges left in a huff, which is not a fancy kind of car but is actually a fancy kind of temper tantrum.

Seamus and Dean appeared on the stage, very much the worse for wear. The once lovely t-shirt was now torn and saggy, and both boys had various cuts and bruises.

"Look," Dean shouted. "We're under-appreciated and under-used. I think we should picket!"

"Yeah!" Seamus yelled, pumping his fist into the air, before turning to Dean. "Pick it? Pick what?" The author cackled as Dean tried to explain to a confused Seamus.

"Oy!" Ron shouted from somewhere. "Has anyone seen Phillip?"
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