The Middle

"Why did you buy this place again?" a woman asked from behind them. They turned swiftly and saw a short, plump woman with a mass of frizzy blond hair.

"Must be one of your ancestors," Ron cackled, pointing to the hair. Hermione elbowed him sharply in the side, causing him to sidestep into Harry, who gave a loud OOF!

"I told you several times, Helga," a clipped voice drew the Trio's attention. It was a pale, aristocratic man who reminded them very much of Lucius Malfoy, even down to the snake-topped cane he probably smacked people and things with. "We were looking for premises for our school. This castle is perfect. Don't you agree, Rowena?"

A tall, brunette woman rolled her eyes. "I don't care WHERE we build the school, Sal. We just need to get started. Children everywhere are becoming stupider as we speak, and no one can do anything until our school opens!"

"Well," a jolly looking man with a large, familiar looking hat and equally large and familiar sword attempted to break up the strain. "Let's get down to the most important thing. Naming the school. I was thinking... Woghorts."

"Godric, you are... strange and unusual. Of course we need to call it "The School for Witchcraft and Wizardry," Rowena argued. "It's only logical."

"And you are only boring," Helga burst in. "I think we should call it Helga's Horrifying House of Horrors." At their stares, she sighed. "I always wanted to own a Horrifying House of Horrors, and travel with all the little carnivals. I've been working on that name for years."

"Yes, but Helga..." Godric tried to be very kind. "This is a school. Not a Horrifying House of Horrors." She nodded and sniffed a bit.

"I think," Salazar interrupted all of the emotional outbursts that were making him quite uncomfortable. "We should call it The Evil Elite Academy." The other three cast dirty looks at him. "The Elite Academy? No evil?"

"Let's just call it The School, and we can worry about its name later," Rowena said, quite sensibly. "We have bigger things to worry about..."

"Like what the house colors will be?" Sal asked. "I've been thinking about this since we started talking about the school. What are your feelings on mauve and maroon?"

"That's like two names for the same color," Helga said, and Rowena stared at her for making sense.

"No? Taupe and tuna?"

"Tuna isn't a color," Godric said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yellow and fuchsia?"

"I WANT YELLOW!" Helga burst into tears.

"Right, then. Pink and flourescent orange?"

"Well... it's your house. You should have whatever colors you want," Rowena said, although she looked disgusted as she said it. "Besides, there are other things to worry about... important things..."

"The school sport!" Godric shouted. "And I know precisely what it should be... Skeeball!"

"What?" the other three and the invisible Trio all shouted at once. "Skeeball?"

"Yeah, you know? Like they play down at Ye Olde Chucky Cheese? You throw the ball down the lane and it has to go into one of the holes. Each hole is worth a different number of points. And at the end, you get tickets to redeem for a prize, like a sheep or some bread or even a small donkey with a shiny collar."

"Competitive Skeeball?" Rowena asked. "Whatever. What we really need to worry about is the school song." She began to sing Fighter, by Christina Aguilera, much to the shock of the other Founders (not to mention the Trio and the author, who had never heard the song before).

"Yeah, I like that song," Helga agreed. "Let's go look inside and find the perfect room for the Home Ec class." And the Founders moved to the castle as the Trio found themselves back in Dumbledore's office.