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Auradell · 12-29-2003, 08:40 PM

This is a great piece. One of the best I've read on this site, really.

Here's my advice: You've got the feeling down perfectly, and it made me sad to read it, because I knew just what that felt like. You got all of the emotions across perfectly, but don't be afraid to do stuff that doesn't rhyme. If you can't make a line rhyme, don't. Don't cheat yourself by forcing your beautiful words into rhymes that don't feel or flow right. This piece was certainly not a bad piece of rhyming however, and most of the lines look great just as they were. But in the future, don't be afraid to explore the word of non-rhyming creative poetry. That probably all sounds hypocritical because if you notice, all of my poems on this site rhyme, but I'm still trying to grow myself.

But all in all, congratulations on a job well done! :flowersmile:

12-29-2003, 08:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
Auradell Fire Slug Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 164	This is a great piece. One of the best I've read on this site, really. Here's my advice: You've got the feeling down perfectly, and it made me sad to read it, because I knew just what that felt like. You got all of the emotions across perfectly, but don't be afraid to do stuff that doesn't rhyme. If you can't make a line rhyme, don't. Don't cheat yourself by forcing your beautiful words into rhymes that don't feel or flow right. This piece was certainly not a bad piece of rhyming however, and most of the lines look great just as they were. But in the future, don't be afraid to explore the word of non-rhyming creative poetry. That probably all sounds hypocritical because if you notice, all of my poems on this site rhyme, but I'm still trying to grow myself. But all in all, congratulations on a job well done! :flowersmile: