(I apologize. Oliver is very disgruntled that I cut him off like that, but we had to go out. We're back now)

Harry was intrigued and, noticing that the spell only lasted 24 hours anyway, wanted to try it out. Now, despite what many say, Harry is very generous. I remember when we played Ravenclaw my 7th year, I had to tell him...

Ollie, I suggest you stop with the Quidditch stories or I shall have to give you back to Zy for more training.

Er... no. Harry decided to cast the spell on Ron as a test subject. In a best case, his best friends would finally stop being flaming idiots and fall in love. Worst case, nothing would happen and Ron would never need to know. He muttered the incantation and ran off to find Ron.

Meanwhile, Ron was stealing all the suits of armor and hiding them in random broom closets. His last detention consisted of polishing every suit in the castle. Not only was there cat hair in the polish, but the suits were ticklish and kep giggling the entire time. He wanted to keep them away from anyone who would dirty them. Apparently, it was Kirstie's idea.

Oh, I was wondering about that. She's a bright one, but quite mischievious. And she owed me a cupcake.

Now who's the interrupter? As he raced through the corridor looking for any additional suits of armor to tuck away safely, Malfoy and his cronies stepped out from behind a statue. How big are these statues that three non-tiny boys fit behind one, anyway?

"What's up, Weasel?" he said. Malfoy was never much for creative taunting. "Lost your fangirls?"

"Shut up, Malfoy." And Malfoy suddenly couldn't speak. He gestured to his goons, however, and they stomped towards Ron.

"Er... Why don't you two just fly away? Leave me alone. Please?" He was begging, the pathetic little rotter. I hope he's braver than that on the pitch because...

OLLIE!

Blah, blah, blah, Crabbe and Goyle mysteriously sprouted wings and flew off through the corridot and out of the castle. Ron watched them go and turned to Malfoy.

"Oy, your friends just flew off."

Malfoy shrugged nonchalantly. He was unconcerned.

"You cold-hearted ferret-face! Care about something for once in your pathetic life. Be passionate. And for Pete's sake, say something."

Malfoy opened his mouth with a mad glint in his pale eyes. "I don't care? You're the heartless one. How many trees had to die for that wand? For our parchment? And don't even get me started on the barbaric practices of the kitchen."

"Wha-? We had fish sticks last night. All the kitchen did was defrost them."

"Fish are friends, not food! I know what I'll do. I'll destroy the kitchens and set up a picket line and..."

Malfoy ran one way, and Ron took off as fast as he could the other, right back to the Common Room. You know, that reminds me of this move I made up once. See... one chaser dives right, and...

Ollie, later, sweetie. Diverge LATER.

Right. And don't call me Ollie. Anyway, Ron burst into the Coomon Room and collapsed in front of Harry and Hermione, who were about to set out in search of him.

"Ron? Are you alright?" He wheezed for another 5 minutes, uttering, "Malfoy... wings... fly... fish."

"Malfoy's a flying fish?" Hermione guessed finally.

"Brilliant!" Harry yelled.

"No, Crabbe and Goyle sprouted wings and flew off. And Malfoy's become some sort of bio-terrorist. And I think maybe it's my fault." He explained more but my hand is starting to cramp... so... yeah.

Harry got excited and explained the spell to his friends. Ron also got excited, and they were excited together. As for Hermione, as is to be expected from the little bush-headed...

Ollie! Be nice. What have you got against Hermione?

Nothing. She's just boring. She doesn't play Quidditch, she never does anything wrong, she's a girl...

She's a girl? So's 50% of the world. I'm a girl!

No, you aren't. You're a...

You, my friend, are on fanfic probation. Someday, you'll realize that girls are nice. And you'll love me. No, don't argue. I have a story to finish.

Hermione was shocked at Harry casting a spell on Ron without his knowing. "But I don't mind..." Ron kept saying.

"It's the principle of it."

"But I'm saying I really don't mind. It's okay," as is to be expected, Ron was yelling by now.

"Why can't you be more like..." she cast around for a paragon of masculinity. "Like Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He's noble and good and strong and... and he doesn't seem to talk much," she sighed.

"Fine, next time you need something done, let's see Aragorn help you," Ron said sarcastically.

"What I need is..." but at her words, a man appeared in the room. He was handsome, despite his scruffiness and the fact that he needed a wash rather desperately.

"I'll save you, my lady," he rushed between Ron and Hermione brandishing a sword. "Shall I cut off his head or bleed him slowly?"

"Eep," Ron said, but the author saved him by sending a house elf to whisper to Aragorn that the fic was rated PG at most. He rolled his eyes, put away his sword, and sat on a courch by Ginny, who offered him a sugar quill then swooned.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Harry, let's get rid of the spell before I get Hermione a bloody army of beautiful men."

Harry clapped his hand over Ron's mouth and said, "It wears off in 24 hours. Just check with me before you speak."

Ron nodded and whispered (because that's not speaking *eye roll*), "But what should we do with this git?" Aragorn fingered his sword. "I mean fine, upstanding citizen."

"Let's give him to the Elite to play with."

"Should we bathe him first?"

UPDATE: Crabbe and Goyle were found wandering in the forests of Madagascar, not knowing how they got there. Draco was last seen trying close down an oil rig with only his wand and a smile. Aragorn is well-appreciated by the Elite who share him weekly.