Lotus's dare... part 1 of 2 - you missed it. This was posted on Snape is my man for about a minute, because I'm dumb.

Something very bad happened on account of Celestina Warbeck's visit (for the uninitiated, that was about 3 chapters ago). Dumbledore was bitten... by the performance art bug. Seeing Celestina, who was a former Hufflepuff who rarely attended classes and did very poorly on her OWLS, on the stage surrounded by glowing faces but rare and excitable thoughts of lights and music and dancing and lots and lots of stage makeup. He even went so far as to have huge red velvet curtains with golden tassels installed to open and close around the dais.

The student body didn't have an inkling of Dumbledore's obsession until audition sheets appeared in each Common Room. Apparently, Dumbledore was jumping in with both feet and dragging all the Heads of Houses with him kicking and screaming. Although, McGonagal would never kick and scream, she'd just stare you down with her mouth in a tight line. And Snape would probably poison you or at least glower, which is really just like a very deadly pout. Apparently, only Flitwick and Sprout were kicking and screaming. And both of them actually really liked the idea of a Hogwarts drama program. I retract the kicking and screaming. There was no kicking and screaming.

Each house was doing something different, and almost no one was happy. The Muggle borns were thinking that they hoped they had escaped from mandatory class plays when they entered the wizarding world. Everyone else was just perplexed. What was a thespian? Did they want to be one?

The first group to perform was the Hufflepuffs who decided to do an exciting and quite daring rendition of "Dr. Doolittle" (the author would like to point out that this was both a book and an old musical before Eddie Murphy was BORN). I say daring because the only animals that could be found to fill the stage were various familiars (rats, bats, and owls... oh my! OH! FORESHADOWING!) and some random animals Hagrid rounded up.

Of course, THAT was a mistake, because Hagrid brought several pinching and biting creatures and a blast ended skrewt that set the curtain on fire. For the next rehearsal, Sprout begged Dumbledore to help them out. When they showed up for rehearsal, he was seen with 3 cats, a donkey, and 12 pineapples. Somehow, the show was a rousing success, but only because the Ernie McMillan had an amazingly good voice and the donkey tried to eat Hannah Abbot.

Next to perform were the Ravenclaws, who were much too intellectual to do a simple play or musical. Flitwick, who can be quite persuasive the little devil, talked them into doing a talent show. Ginny and Harry got quite a kick out of seeing Michael Corner and Cho sing a passable version of "I've Got You Babe." When I say passable, I mean passable like a kidney stone. Somehow, through all the pain, you survive.

There was a high point to this amazing spectacle. First, it should be noted that while many of the Ravenclaws are quite intelligent, sometimes they do things that are quite stupid. For instance, a few of the first years got together and decided that they would do some sort of a circus act. While one kid, the only one with any nimbleness, rolled in somersaults around the stage, the other two juggled a stack of coconuts with a small charm they learned from a library book (they are Ravenclaws, afterall). The mistake, of course, was that they were trying to do too much at once. The somersaulting child, growing quite dizzy, rolled right into the two juggling coconuts. Those two and their pile of coconuts went rolling into the crowd, and one of the kids gave a great, "Oof," and shot a random hex. Somehow, that hex hit half the school. I don't understand the physics of these things, but it just did.

Without warning, the afflicted half of the school, namely the Slytherins and the Hufflepuffs, jumped from their seats and began to sing, "Walk Like an Egyptian." There were even hand motions!

"What surprises me more than the song," Ron informed Harry and Hermione as they ate the fallen coconuts, "is that they all know the words."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "I think that's part of the spell." Meanwhile, over and yon, Seamus and Dean began to roll around on the floor shouting, "Mine! Mine!"

The last coconut tumbled from their grasp and settled at Ginny's feet. As they rolled, she picked it up and ate it.