SnitchSeeker.com - View Single Post - Sirius Black's Second Chance

Dean_Thomas · 08-06-2005, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lissydove

Tentatively he leaned close to the water again. He raised one hand to his face. The reflection did the same. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. The face of a handsome young man, perhaps around age sixteen blinked back at him. Sirius was in total disbelief. He hadn’t seen this face in 20 years, yet he recognized it instantly. It was his own. But, gone were the lines of stress that he had accumulated over the years of hardship. His skin, which had become pale over months of being indoors was now flushed with the glow of youth and he no longer had that thin look he had acquired in prison and running from the Ministry. His features, which had become hollowed and haunted looking in Azkaban, had softened. His grey eyes, once dulled with unhappiness, now sparked with the mischief of better days. This was the way he was long ago, before the rise of Voldemort, before that dreadful night when Lily and James…

Nice descriptions. I like how you connect his appearance to his experience in Azkaban and how it differs now he's been out of there. Most people would have just said, "His face was regular now he's been out of Azkaban," but you gave a better description. I like it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lissy

A wild thought occurred to him that he might even encounter himself! Or was he simply returned to his old body? This line of thought was beginning to bring back his headache. He needed to get help. Who to contact? That answer was simple. Dumbledore. Dumbledore would believe him. That was where he could start. Thus decided, Sirius was beginning to feel better. Glancing once more into the stream, he could see the old familiar smirk that he was known for reflecting back at him. He stood up and brushed the dirt from his robes. This he could get used to again.

I see he likes his youth, again. I can see Sirius getting used to that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lise

“Well, here goes nothing,” Sirius thought as he raised his wand arm.

Suddenly a violently purple triple-decker bus was bumping it's was over the rocky landscape towards him. Sirius laughed with happiness and waved it over. The bus stopped in front of him and opened it's door.

Couple of typos there, nothing big. "Its" instead of "It's" and "way" instead of "was." I wonder how Sirius will take to riding the dreaded, "public transportation!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Dove

An older heavy-set man stood in the doorway, a pipe clenched in his teeth, smoke wreathed his head in a cloud. “Welcome to the Knight Bus, for the stranded witch or wizard,” the man said, sounding bored. “The name’s Oscar and I’ll be your conductor today, Ernie there is your driver,” he gestured to a very old man up front and continued. “And no, Stan is not here. He took a temp job over at the Ministry. Has a girlfriend who wants him to make more money.”

I wonder what Oscar's last name is...

I love names, and you know that. Stan has a girlfriend? Did he discover the properties of bubotuber pus?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lissy

“11 sickles first, laddie,” Oscar held out one meaty hand.

I liked that..."meaty hand." Gives a good picture.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lise

Suddenly, Oscar lifted his hat and fixed Sirius with a penetrating stare, taking in his disheveled appearance, “so what were you doing out there all by yourself, laddie?” he asked somewhat suspiciously.
“Oh, uhm, crashed my broom, actually.” Sirius lied quickly. “Splintered it, no use trying to fix it.”
“Your parents know your flying so far?” the conductor shifted his pipe to the other side of his mouth.
“Well, I...” Sirius started.

Sounds a lot like Neville...er Harry.

Quote:

“Humph!” the older man grunted. “Kids! Should be beaten more often. That’ll keep you in line,” he pulled his hat back over his eyes and said no more for the rest of the trip.

Interesting character...I like him.

08-06-2005, 05:55 AM	#53 (permalink)
Dean_Thomas Ginny, we go way back At Wentwater Firecrab Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Wentwater, MA Posts: 860 Hogwarts RPG Name: William Quinn	Quote: Originally Posted by Lissydove Tentatively he leaned close to the water again. He raised one hand to his face. The reflection did the same. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. The face of a handsome young man, perhaps around age sixteen blinked back at him. Sirius was in total disbelief. He hadn’t seen this face in 20 years, yet he recognized it instantly. It was his own. But, gone were the lines of stress that he had accumulated over the years of hardship. His skin, which had become pale over months of being indoors was now flushed with the glow of youth and he no longer had that thin look he had acquired in prison and running from the Ministry. His features, which had become hollowed and haunted looking in Azkaban, had softened. His grey eyes, once dulled with unhappiness, now sparked with the mischief of better days. This was the way he was long ago, before the rise of Voldemort, before that dreadful night when Lily and James… Nice descriptions. I like how you connect his appearance to his experience in Azkaban and how it differs now he's been out of there. Most people would have just said, "His face was regular now he's been out of Azkaban," but you gave a better description. I like it. Quote: Originally Posted by Lissy A wild thought occurred to him that he might even encounter himself! Or was he simply returned to his old body? This line of thought was beginning to bring back his headache. He needed to get help. Who to contact? That answer was simple. Dumbledore. Dumbledore would believe him. That was where he could start. Thus decided, Sirius was beginning to feel better. Glancing once more into the stream, he could see the old familiar smirk that he was known for reflecting back at him. He stood up and brushed the dirt from his robes. This he could get used to again. I see he likes his youth, again. I can see Sirius getting used to that. Quote: Originally Posted by Lise “Well, here goes nothing,” Sirius thought as he raised his wand arm. Suddenly a violently purple triple-decker bus was bumping it's was over the rocky landscape towards him. Sirius laughed with happiness and waved it over. The bus stopped in front of him and opened it's door. Couple of typos there, nothing big. "Its" instead of "It's" and "way" instead of "was." I wonder how Sirius will take to riding the dreaded, "public transportation!" Quote: Originally Posted by The Dove An older heavy-set man stood in the doorway, a pipe clenched in his teeth, smoke wreathed his head in a cloud. “Welcome to the Knight Bus, for the stranded witch or wizard,” the man said, sounding bored. “The name’s Oscar and I’ll be your conductor today, Ernie there is your driver,” he gestured to a very old man up front and continued. “And no, Stan is not here. He took a temp job over at the Ministry. Has a girlfriend who wants him to make more money.” I wonder what Oscar's last name is... I love names, and you know that. Stan has a girlfriend? Did he discover the properties of bubotuber pus? Quote: Originally Posted by Lissy “11 sickles first, laddie,” Oscar held out one meaty hand. I liked that..."meaty hand." Gives a good picture. Quote: Originally Posted by Lise Suddenly, Oscar lifted his hat and fixed Sirius with a penetrating stare, taking in his disheveled appearance, “so what were you doing out there all by yourself, laddie?” he asked somewhat suspiciously. “Oh, uhm, crashed my broom, actually.” Sirius lied quickly. “Splintered it, no use trying to fix it.” “Your parents know your flying so far?” the conductor shifted his pipe to the other side of his mouth. “Well, I...” Sirius started. Sounds a lot like Neville...er Harry. Quote: “Humph!” the older man grunted. “Kids! Should be beaten more often. That’ll keep you in line,” he pulled his hat back over his eyes and said no more for the rest of the trip. Interesting character...I like him. __________________ Last edited by Dean_Thomas; 08-06-2005 at 05:59 AM.