The second year emerged about the time they all should have been in their second morning class. Behind her, Dobby scrabbled through the portrait hole. His tall stack of hats wobbled perilously as he settled in front of Harry.

"Good morning, Harry Potter. I is hearing you is needing Dobby."

Harry turned on the second year. "I send you for help, you take 2 1/2 hours, and you bring back a half cracked house elf? Why should I not feed you to the socks?"

"I tried," she squeaked. "I went to McGonagal, who sent me to Dumbledore, who sent me to Dobby. Apparently, house elves are multilingual."

Harry sighed and turned back to Dobby. "You need to get us out of here!" His voice was quiet but very desperate. The room was starting to take on the crowded elevator at mid-day scent. The socks were soon going to be the closest thing to daisy fresh in the room.

Dobby approached the boss sock, whose voice sounded like pennies in the dryer. After listening a few moments, Dobby returned to Harry and Co. "First, you must be addressing him as Flaghoshiornianio, Linty King of the Sock Folk."

"Fine, King Flush-o, what does he want?"

"To be free of all human domination. And equal rights. They is living hard lives, Harry Potter. They is wanting a better world, away from stinky feet and mud puddles."

Harry looked as if he wanted to explode, and Ron noted it. "Look, mate, I'll negotiate with them. You go rest before a blood vessel explodes and you have to be resuscitated by foot wear." Harry nodded and escaped to a couch.

Hermione (your author couldn't think of any other names) was still not speaking to Ron, so he was on his own. He crouched in a corner with the Sock King and Dobby. For the next 45 minutes, the other Gryffs glanced over occasionally in curiosity. What was being said? Why did Ron look so enraptured? And when was lunch?

Finally, he rose and stretched. "Well," Dean said when Ron returned. "What's the plan?"

"They're letting us leave." The group cheered.

"How'd you do that?" a fifth year cooed at him in a way that made this author want to vomit.

"I agreed to all their demands." Everyone stared - they do that a lot... have you noticed?

"I'd be outraged," Seamus said, rubbing his stomach, "But access to food is worth any cost."

"They have legitimate concerns!" Ron protested. "Imagine carrying feet all day."

"Ron, they are socks. What else would they do?" Hermione broke her silence in favor of much needed common sense.

"Socks are people too!"