A Mess of Monstrous Magical Proportions

(7.59 am Saturday morning, Boys Dormitory)


Harry woke to the most peculiar noise. It sounded like someone was being strangled slowly in the common room. Always eager for the opportunity to save a life, Harry jumped out of bed and dressed quickly. Whilst trying to pull his gloves on unsuccessfully, Harry realised he’d forgotten to put his glasses on. He grabbed them off the table and quickly shoved them on his face.

*Squish*

Harry reached to where the squishing sound was made and pulled a chocolate cupcake off the side of his head. It took Harry a second to remember the food fight that had erupted over dinner last night, when it was announced that Zymurgy would be replacing Dumbledore as Headmistress (Not that Dumbledore was a Headmistress, he was a headmaster – but I digress) Because Steve Kloves had decided to cut Dumbledore from the story because he is too old. Harry found himself daydreaming about being sent to Zymurgy’s office when the noise began again from downstairs, now accompanied by a screeching noise.


(2 minutes later, Gryffindor common room)


Harry ran into the room and stopped in his tracks. The room looked like a hotel room trashed by drunk rock stars.


Steve: That’ll HAVE to go. We can’t have that sort of imagery in a childrens movie.

Me: pfft whatever *starts planning a slow and painful death for Mr Kloves*


Hermione was standing on a table, Hairbrush microphone in hand, singing at the top of her lungs “Zymurgy is our Queen”, the new school anthem. Harry did a double take as he realised Hermione’s hair was Orange – bright orange. If that wasn’t weird enough, Ron was playing a yellow violin and Lavender was on the far side of the room teaching Seamus to do tumbleturns. Both of them also had bright orange hair.


“Excuse me, but what is going on here?” Harry asked politely.


No one answered, as Hermione’s ‘singing’ had drowned out his voice.

Harry walked over to Ron and yelled the same question in his ear.


“New band, mate. You want in? We need a tambourine player. Headmistress Zymurgy has ordered the formation of a school band, the Orange Juicies, to play at McGonagall and Flitwicks wedding this afternoon. Hermione volunteered us, and took the name of the band literally, that’s why we’ve all got orange hair”


“Umm okay” said Harry, suddenly wishing he had stayed in bed, or better yet, jumped out of the dormitory window and abseiled to the ground, run away and lived happily ever after in a pineapple under the sea.


“Great. HEY HERMIONE, HARRY’S SAID HE’LL JOIN THE BAND”


Hermione stopped singing. Taking a few moments to catch her breath, she spoke.

“Cool. Phew, singing that song 45 times is hard work. I need a drink. Colin, bring me a glass of milk. On the rocks” she said, snapping her fingers at Colin, who had mysteriously appeared in the story at this moment as the group’s roadie/official photographer/stylist/gopher/security guard, with Orange hair. Colin sprinted from the room, narrowly missing colliding with Seamus, who had mastered the art of tumbleturns and was now circling the room doing them and shouting "I'm a pretty, pretty girl!”.


Lavender, looking pleased with herself, was now making costumes with what looked suspiciously like the curtains from the common room, and scotch tape, and she was using Neville as a model. Neville looked none too happy with the arrangement, as he was trying to read a book at the same time. His hair was not Orange, but his face was green.

“Eureka!” he shouted.


“I do NOT smell!” yelled Lavender, bursting into tears.


"I'm a pretty, pretty girl!” Yelled Seamus.


Neville started to cackle maniacally. “I’ll get you my pretties, for I am the Wicked Witch of the West!” And with that he began to chase Seamus around the room, wearing a half finished, scotch taped costume and brandishing a broomstick in one hand and giant toenails in the other, and he was flicking these at Seamus, and everyone else in the room.


Still feeling rather sleepy, Harry decided he’d better get some energy before he started practising the tambourine. He pulled two AA batteries from his pocket and put them in his mouth, proceeding to attempt to chew them.


“What are you doing?” Inquired Ron.


“I ish shleeepy, need energsy “ Harry said with his mouth full


Hermione tutted and made Harry spit out the batteries.


“Where is that Colin? I need that drink!”


At this precise moment Colin zoomed back to Hermione and gave her the milk on the rocks she requested.

“About time. Now, go get Harry a very strong coffee”.


Colin turned around, rolled his eyes, and pondered the meaning of his life as he ran out of the room to the kitchens.


Hermione sculled most of her drink and turned to Ron and Harry. She pulled out her wand, pointed it at Harry and turned his hair orange.


“Right, what shall we practise next? The Sesame street theme song?”


Ron started playing the violin again and Harry picked up the tambourine and started hitting it at random moments during the song, which went a little something like this:


“Sunny Day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Street

Come and play
Everything's A-OK
Friendly neighbors there
That's where we meet

Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street

It's a magic carpet ride
Every door will open wide
To Happy people like you--
Happy people like
What a beautiful

Sunny Day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame street...

How to get to Sesame Street”