 Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?
Ash had looked up one final time to nod at Kayne and give him a thumbs up. We can talk later. She hadn't the heart to tell him that she was usually like this, and her behavior around him was the exception and not the rule.
And then Emmerson happened. Of course she did. It was always Emmerson, wasn't it? So many things went through Ash's mind all at once. Her mind split into four. She wanted to hurt Emmerson. She really did. But also, Emmerson had proven Mamie wrong, and now she also wanted to punch Mamie for ever suggesting that she forgive Cambridge. But also, she wanted to unfriend all of her friends who liked Emmerson, seriously. Enough was enough. And the final thought Ash had? That she should just give up. What had they even fought a war for? They hadn't won, they just hadn't lost. And the cost was a bunch of dead bodies and a bunch of sad people. Nobody liked muggles any better. They just didn't.
Ash looked at Emmerson for a brief second, and a look was worth a thousand words. It was a look of hurt, but also of anger and despair and a little bit of glee about being right about unfriending Mamie. It said every single thing she had ever wanted to say to Emmerson that would have gotten her expelled. And because Cambridge and Kinsay were sitting next to each other, she may have accidentally given Kinsay that look too. No matter. She was Emmerson's best friend. She could take blame too.
And then Lisa- Ash almost choked when she heard what she was saying. She was very proud of her imaginary little sister. Really, Ash couldn't have said anything better. She still felt miserable, but at least there was someone who could take her place when she was too sad to say anything. Lisa was the best, seriously.
Ash really wanted to respond to Cambridge, but something stopped her. Maybe it was because the professor was talking to Cambridge and people looked horrified and Ash knew that she had been right this whole time. There was absolutely nothing that could make this better. Ash felt happy in the worst kind of way. When someone pushed you off a cliff, but you took them down with you. When someone hurt you irreparably, but hurt themself in the process. That sort of thing made Ash happy, in some inexplicable way. She might be destined for misery, but the whole school could know whose fault that was.
So Ash started to work on the assignment in total silence, not sure whether she wanted to laugh or cry at what had just happened. Maybe she'd do both later. She flipped through her textbook to look for some family trees. Hey, if she found any of Emmerson's ancestors in there- she wasn't LOOKING, but if there was an opportunity- she was gonna look to see if there were any muggles. And if there were any muggles there, she'd tell Emmerson all about it. Because that was the kind of mood Ash was in at the moment.
At least she hadn't punched anybody yet, right? |