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sarahlooo · 01-22-2019, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetpinkpixie

He didn't believe her.

It was sad and it hurt, but he didn't. Surely they wouldn't still be going around in circles still if she did. It felt like she was in love with an idea of him...and maybe not him. He just felt more lost and frustrated, and her next words were that additional squirt of lemon juice in the eye he knew he could have done without. Because it validated a thought he had had for a long time now. It almost even validated all those people who had come at him for all the 'games' he had apparently been playing with her and how 'messed up' he was. He wasn't enough. He was inadequate. Like most everything else that had come to pass at Hogwarts, he had failed and let people down. Worst of all? Worst of all was that he had also let himself down by losing himself along the way in the pursuit to push his feelings and try, desperately at times, to be on pace with others. Because there was an expectation to be...and Derf hated falling short of other's expectations.

He still wanted to hug her, comfort her, but instead he found himself taking a step back and away.

"If I hadn't had to see how much you suffered and hurt each time...I wouldn't need to be so worried about the who, Natalie," he said softly, his tone defeated. Because how many times had it been that he felt like he was trying to piece back the best parts of her with spell-o-tape? He had lost count in the moment...but he would never stop doing that. Not as long as she still let him. "I told you...a long time ago...if it made you happier in the end, then I could make my peace with it all. But each time you came back to me crying, apologizing, feeling like you had made a mistake. Even without romantic interest, I would be worried. I would care."

Taking a few shallow breaths and running a hand haphazardly through his messy hair, the seventh year sighed and looked down at his feet and the muddy footprints he was still leaving behind.

To think that one exploded kneazle litter box could lead to all this...

"....I'm...sorry .... for you that....I was never good enough...that I never will be good enough..." His voice was surprisingly steady as he spoke though his eyes were more than a bit vacant. "...I tried. I tried my best. I tried to be...I...."

And then, for once, he was selfish in that he turned to leave so he wouldn't have to see her cry properly. So he wouldn't throw caution to the wind again and wrap his arms around her so she could cry into his chest until she was too tired to do so anymore.

Her insides hurt. Not an upset tummy that could be fixed by some of her mum's tea though; no, it was a hurt she had never felt before. But she was less sad about knowing that this was over and more sad that she knew that this whole mess was her fault. She had been the most selfish girl she could have ever been. And she just kept on hurting him and making it worse.

And she didn't mean anything by her comment of who other than she just... didn't want him to know. If or who she was seeking attention from. Because it made him worried about her and Derf had much better things to do than worry about Natalie. But he was right, she always came back to him. Because when he couldn't give her what she wanted, she went elsewhere... only to realize what she really wanted. Which meant throwing Derf around like a tennis ball.

How could he ever forgive her?

But of course, Derf always blamed himself. Good enough? Natalie wanted to believe that Derf was all she ever needed, but that had proven to be false. She was so in love with the idea of being in love with him and being in a perfect relationship with him that she really thought that they would be enough together. But... it never worked.

A little sob escaped her lips when he apologized and explained that he tried. "N-no, Derf, you are -" Perfect? Yes. He was perfect the way he was. It was TRUE, even though she knew they wouldn't be together. But she had to stop because suddenly Derf... was leaving.

Leaving?

Derf... had never left her before.

So, that was how she knew it was really the end. And she sat back down on the bench and cried until she ran out of tears.

01-22-2019, 06:15 AM	#12 (permalink)
sarahlooo Shrake Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Rohan Posts: 12,679 Hogwarts RPG Name: Louis Bracken Gryffindor Sixth Year x3 x1	Sardines ♥ BHB ♥ Dallie ♥ Grumpy ♥ MY SUN AND STARS ♥ i love julia Quote: Originally Posted by sweetpinkpixie He didn't believe her. It was sad and it hurt, but he didn't. Surely they wouldn't still be going around in circles still if she did. It felt like she was in love with an idea of him...and maybe not him. He just felt more lost and frustrated, and her next words were that additional squirt of lemon juice in the eye he knew he could have done without. Because it validated a thought he had had for a long time now. It almost even validated all those people who had come at him for all the 'games' he had apparently been playing with her and how 'messed up' he was. He wasn't enough. He was inadequate. Like most everything else that had come to pass at Hogwarts, he had failed and let people down. Worst of all? Worst of all was that he had also let himself down by losing himself along the way in the pursuit to push his feelings and try, desperately at times, to be on pace with others. Because there was an expectation to be...and Derf hated falling short of other's expectations. He still wanted to hug her, comfort her, but instead he found himself taking a step back and away. "If I hadn't had to see how much you suffered and hurt each time...I wouldn't need to be so worried about the who, Natalie," he said softly, his tone defeated. Because how many times had it been that he felt like he was trying to piece back the best parts of her with spell-o-tape? He had lost count in the moment...but he would never stop doing that. Not as long as she still let him. "I told you...a long time ago...if it made you happier in the end, then I could make my peace with it all. But each time you came back to me crying, apologizing, feeling like you had made a mistake. Even without romantic interest, I would be worried. I would care." Taking a few shallow breaths and running a hand haphazardly through his messy hair, the seventh year sighed and looked down at his feet and the muddy footprints he was still leaving behind. To think that one exploded kneazle litter box could lead to all this... "....I'm...sorry .... for you that....I was never good enough...that I never will be good enough..." His voice was surprisingly steady as he spoke though his eyes were more than a bit vacant. "...I tried. I tried my best. I tried to be...I...." And then, for once, he was selfish in that he turned to leave so he wouldn't have to see her cry properly. So he wouldn't throw caution to the wind again and wrap his arms around her so she could cry into his chest until she was too tired to do so anymore. Her insides hurt. Not an upset tummy that could be fixed by some of her mum's tea though; no, it was a hurt she had never felt before. But she was less sad about knowing that this was over and more sad that she knew that this whole mess was her fault. She had been the most selfish girl she could have ever been. And she just kept on hurting him and making it worse. And she didn't mean anything by her comment of who other than she just... didn't want him to know. If or who she was seeking attention from. Because it made him worried about her and Derf had much better things to do than worry about Natalie. But he was right, she always came back to him. Because when he couldn't give her what she wanted, she went elsewhere... only to realize what she really wanted. Which meant throwing Derf around like a tennis ball. How could he ever forgive her? But of course, Derf always blamed himself. Good enough? Natalie wanted to believe that Derf was all she ever needed, but that had proven to be false. She was so in love with the idea of being in love with him and being in a perfect relationship with him that she really thought that they would be enough together. But... it never worked. A little sob escaped her lips when he apologized and explained that he tried. "N-no, Derf, you are -" Perfect? Yes. He was perfect the way he was. It was TRUE, even though she knew they wouldn't be together. But she had to stop because suddenly Derf... was leaving. Leaving? Derf... had never left her before. So, that was how she knew it was really the end. And she sat back down on the bench and cried until she ran out of tears. __________________ January ★ Natalie ★ Evangeline ★ Pierson ★ Louise