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jtherlow · 01-16-2005, 09:31 PM

I consider Percy's infamous OotP letter to be pure poetry already - But there's no harm in making it rhyme, right?

Dear Ron,
I have only just heard (from the Minister, no less),
That you have become a prefect; now I must confess,
I’ve always been afraid you might take the “Fred and George” route,
(Rather than following, like me, a more noble pursuit,)
So you can imagine my feelings on hearing you’ve stopped flouting authority
And decided to make responsible behavior a priority.
But I want to give you more than congratulations, Ron, I want to give you some advice,
Hopefully you can read this away from prying eyes, which will be nice.
I gather that Harry Potter is still your friend.
If you want to keep your badge, Ron, this fraternization must end.
You will say Potter is Dumbledore’s favorite, which is undoubtedly true,
But the people who count have a very different – and probably more accurate – view.
Dumbledore may not be in charge of Hogwarts by the end of this year.
I feel bound to tell you this, but I shall say no more here.
The Daily Prophet should explain duly
In tomorrow’s copy – and try to spot yours truly!
Seriously, Ron, Potter could be very damaging to your future prospects,
And I’m talking here about life after school too, not just as a prefect.
As you may know, and I’m sure you would,
Potter had a disciplinary hearing in front of the whole Wizengamot, and did not come out of it looking too good.
If you ask me, he got off on a mere technicality,
And many people remain convinced of his criminality.
I know Potter can be unbalanced and, for all I know, violent-
But if you have any worries about this, please do not remain silent.
If you have spotted anything in Potter’s behavior that is shady,
I urge you to speak to Dolores Umbridge, a really delightful lady.
This leads me to my other bit of advice for you.
As I have hinted above, Dumbledore’s regime at Hogwarts may soon be through.
He, Ron, is not where you should place your loyalty,
But with the school, and the Ministry.
I am very sorry to hear that so far Professor Umbridge is recieving very little cooperation from the school,
As she strives to make those necessary changes in the rules
(Although she should soon find this less of a chore-
Again, tomorrow’s Prophet will say more!)
I shall say only this – a student who helps Umbridge now will set himself apart from his peers,
And will be well-placed for Head Boyship in a couple of years!
I am very sorry that I was unable to see more of you over your summer break,
But living under our parents’ roof turned out to be more than I could take.
It pains me to criticize our parents,
But we must realize that even they are errant.
They remain mixed up with Dumbledore’s dangerous crowd;
I count myself lucky to have escaped the stigma of association’s shroud.
I do hope, Ron, that you will not allow family ties to blind you,
Or let our parents’ misguided beliefs to confine you.
I sincerely hope that, in time, they will realize their err,
And I shall, of course, be ready to accept a full apology when they see how mistaken they were.
Please think over what I have said most carefully,
The bit about Harry Potter particularly,
And congratulations again on becoming prefect.
-Your brother, Percy.

01-16-2005, 09:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
jtherlow Puffskein Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Dancing to a song that was a hit before your mother was born. Posts: 1,926	I consider Percy's infamous OotP letter to be pure poetry already - But there's no harm in making it rhyme, right? Dear Ron, I have only just heard (from the Minister, no less), That you have become a prefect; now I must confess, I’ve always been afraid you might take the “Fred and George” route, (Rather than following, like me, a more noble pursuit,) So you can imagine my feelings on hearing you’ve stopped flouting authority And decided to make responsible behavior a priority. But I want to give you more than congratulations, Ron, I want to give you some advice, Hopefully you can read this away from prying eyes, which will be nice. I gather that Harry Potter is still your friend. If you want to keep your badge, Ron, this fraternization must end. You will say Potter is Dumbledore’s favorite, which is undoubtedly true, But the people who count have a very different – and probably more accurate – view. Dumbledore may not be in charge of Hogwarts by the end of this year. I feel bound to tell you this, but I shall say no more here. The Daily Prophet should explain duly In tomorrow’s copy – and try to spot yours truly! Seriously, Ron, Potter could be very damaging to your future prospects, And I’m talking here about life after school too, not just as a prefect. As you may know, and I’m sure you would, Potter had a disciplinary hearing in front of the whole Wizengamot, and did not come out of it looking too good. If you ask me, he got off on a mere technicality, And many people remain convinced of his criminality. I know Potter can be unbalanced and, for all I know, violent- But if you have any worries about this, please do not remain silent. If you have spotted anything in Potter’s behavior that is shady, I urge you to speak to Dolores Umbridge, a really delightful lady. This leads me to my other bit of advice for you. As I have hinted above, Dumbledore’s regime at Hogwarts may soon be through. He, Ron, is not where you should place your loyalty, But with the school, and the Ministry. I am very sorry to hear that so far Professor Umbridge is recieving very little cooperation from the school, As she strives to make those necessary changes in the rules (Although she should soon find this less of a chore- Again, tomorrow’s Prophet will say more!) I shall say only this – a student who helps Umbridge now will set himself apart from his peers, And will be well-placed for Head Boyship in a couple of years! I am very sorry that I was unable to see more of you over your summer break, But living under our parents’ roof turned out to be more than I could take. It pains me to criticize our parents, But we must realize that even they are errant. They remain mixed up with Dumbledore’s dangerous crowd; I count myself lucky to have escaped the stigma of association’s shroud. I do hope, Ron, that you will not allow family ties to blind you, Or let our parents’ misguided beliefs to confine you. I sincerely hope that, in time, they will realize their err, And I shall, of course, be ready to accept a full apology when they see how mistaken they were. Please think over what I have said most carefully, The bit about Harry Potter particularly, And congratulations again on becoming prefect. -Your brother, Percy. __________________ baptized into Seventh-Day Adventist church 6.17.06 Last edited by jtherlow; 01-19-2005 at 09:15 PM.