The boat ride had only lasted maybe five minutes – fifteen max - but Fern felt like it had lasted YEARS, what with those mean boys laughing at her and that carnivorous squid slinking around under the lake’s dark surface. As soon as they landed, the 11-year-old had positively sprinted into the Great Hall, where she had been reunited with her cousin. And now they were going to get sorted into Hufflepuff, and everything was going to be perfect.

Fern half-listened to what Tallulah was whispering to her as they waited; she was busy trying to pick out Minnie and Forrest and Toby at the crowded tables. Catching a glimpse of the older girl at last, she gave a big wave, but before she could see if Minnie had seen her, Tallulah’s name was called. Trying not to squeal, she gave her cousin the double thumbs up, and mouthed, “Hufflepuff!” So confident that the yellow and black house was the only possible one for them, Fern didn’t even bother to cross her fingers.

Yet when the hat finally spoke, it didn’t say Hufflepuff. It said Slytherin. At first Fern thought maybe she had heard it wrong, but suddenly Tallulah was hugging her, and it wasn’t a “YAY WE’RE IN THE BEST HOUSE" hug.

Soon after her cousin had gone off to be with her housemates, Fern’s name was called. She walked to the hat in a daze, and barely noticed it when the hat was placed on her head. At first she didn’t even hear it talking to her either.

“Well what do we have here? Not afraid to speak your mind, I see; that’s a Gryffindor trait. And oh, bit of a big dreamer, eh? Want to be the best? That’d be Slytherin…but no, no, I think Hufflepuff might be the best for y-“

Jolted into consciousness by the mention of Hufflepuff, Fern shouted, "No!" before slapping a hand over her mouth. Whispering, she begged, “No! You have to place me in Slytherin! I have to be with my cousin! I have to be with Tallulah! Tallulah Palmer, you just sorted her, in Slytherin, and you need to sort me there too!” Even if it meant she had to be in the same house as that bad boy, Cuthbert Whatever, who had been sorted before Tallulah.

“Slytherin, you say? Even though your heart is set on Hufflepuff? I can see it. There’s no hiding, you know.”

“My heart’s not set on anything but being with Tallulah! You can’t separate us! We’re family!” Fern smacked her fist against her thigh and hissed, “Who made you the boss anyway, you stupid hat?”

“Godric Gryffindor, a man far wiser than you. And what I see in you is diligence and a sense of right and wrong – but even more than that, a loyalty so strong, you’d sacrifice your own happiness for someone else. All of which are qualities of a true Hufflepuff”

Fern swallowed a scream. “Listen up, hat. You don’t mess with Fern Quimbley. You put me in anything other than Slytherin, and I’ll feed you to the squid.” She smirked smugly; no way could it argue with her anymore. Not after that threat...

“HUFFLEPUFF!”

NO! Fern whipped the hat off and threw it on the ground. She almost started to stomp on it, but then she caught sight of the adults – professors – sitting close by. Giving them her sweetest smile, the child picked up the hat and dusted it off before setting it on the stool.

“Remember the squid,” she whispered to the dingy hat, before walking to the Hufflepuff table, hands balled so tight her nails dug into her palms. She was not going to cry. Not in front of everyone. Later, maybe, when she was unable to fall asleep and wishing she had crossed her fingers after all.