SPOILER!!: Louisaaahhh D:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Magical Soul 
Well.. she was the one to bring it up, and yes she did want to talk about it with Vickers. But.... not details. Louisa started gathering her deflect hair again, fixing it with the quill just like she had it half an hour ago. "It's okay.. but--" He asked too many questions. "I didn't know you'd want details." This wouldn't make him feel bad, would it? He already apologized so he probably felt bad! Louisa wanted to lean against him again, and maybe squeeze his hand - that would deliver the message that he didn't have to feel bad at all, but glad.
But he already took her hand into his again, saying he wants to help her (which made up for him being 'extremely curious'). Her eyes dropped to their locked hands, another sob tried to surface. Yes, she was an emotional mess today and apparently all physical kind gestures were going to make her cry instead of smile. She was convinced it was the rock on her chest, it was crushing her heart for too long and with Vickers trying to roll it away, her heart was leaking all sorts of feelings. The sob wasn't allowed to come out, though. Instead Louisa pursed her lips, blinked away the watery eyes and sniffed. "Thankyou." Her hand perfectly fitting into his, and it wasn't like holding any of her friend's hands - guy friends, specifically, because she had plenty. Ahem.
The pensieve made her raise her gaze again, forcing a smile and trying to extend it to her eyes as she nodded. Yep, he can definitely take a look at it, or even study it and fulfill his curiosity. Just like she did when it was delivered. It also meant he had to visit her at home so... YAY.
If holding her hand made Louisa force a smile, him squeezing it and talking about the party at the same time made her heart race and her cheeks turn to girlish pink color. His last words, specially, about 'doing it again' made her teary eyes sparkle for real and her pouty mouth curved the opposite way, forming a coy smile.
She was supposed to say something now... right? But she couldn't, not at once anyways. However, she found herself looking down at their hands and biting her lower lip just slightly as her fingers crept between his. They were locked now. It expressed a part of her point, right? But she still needed to say something. Preferably what she truly felt about the party and what happened at the party. While a boy's emotions were described in one sentence, a girl's required a biiiiiit more words.
When Louisa opened her mouth to speak, she found herself chuckling shyly first. It was completely weird to laugh after an emotional breakdown... or maybe it was completely rationalized since laughing is indeed an emotional reaction as well. Either way, she looked up at him and spoke, "I.. I liked it too. I had fun, maybe more fun than you did." She was talking about the party now, "It will probably happen... again... because my birthday happens... every... year.."
Okaaaaaay, that was not what she wanted to say! Louisa quickly added, "But that's not what I mean completely!" WHAT! "No! I mean, I do mean I enjoyed the party and that it'll happen again hopefully but I also.... enjoyed other things at the party." GULP. She looked down at the swing's seat and started tracing invisible lines with her free hand. "Maybe I shouldn't be that... clingy to what happened, to what I'm talking about but..." She stole a glance up at him before going back to her sweet little distraction, "I... it didn't feel like what people think it should feel." Kissing a friend at a party should've sounded funny or embarrassing, but it didn't feel so in their case. "I mean I do remember it..." vividly even, "...and.. I--" Where should she even begin at? When she would smile every time she lied on bed at night? or when she spent the week hesitant about whether to owl him for no specific reason? or when she felt -for the first time in her teenage life- that she wasn't struggling through a dangerous relationship or doing someone a favor? but the butterflies in her stomach were brand new and felt really really good. And real.
Louisa ended up not saying any of that though, she slowly looked up at him with the same intensity and earnest as before but this time it was mashed up with concern. "What if... what if it's just... what it was." Her hand slip away from his again, but just because she's too anxious to keep it there. "I mean what if it was just... a fling?" She paused for a second and then blurted out, "A hormonal chemistry. What if it was just that?" Because what they did, who the hell wouldn't want to do it again?!! Louisa wanted to do it again, in fact she wanted to snog Vickers pretty much almost every time she saw him but she didn't want it to be the only thing.
As she waited for him to speak up again, she started biting her fingernails again.
The
second those words left his lips he just
knew that didn’t come out right.
"I-I mean uh…. it was a fun party-- lots of laughs and stuff..." and stuff being a whole lot of other kinds of reactions not normally seen in the hollowed halls of Hogwarts. But he caught that flush of color on her cheeks and the coy smile that finally formed on her lips-- much better than the upset quivering pout she had earlier. A sly smirk tugged at his own lips, yes he may have said the PARTY, but the twinkle in his eyes as he gazed back at her conveyed there were other things that made it memorable for him too... things that didnt need to be spoken out loud.
Not that he was expecting to get so lucky again, even if her birthday, as she said, happens year after year....
Then again the way their hands were entwined, the way she clasped it tighter-- the way he reacted exactly the same way at the same moment-- had him thinking that maybe that sliver of hope he's been secretly nurturing all summer, wasnt a fool's hope after all....
But listen... LISTEN to what she is saying young man. Louisa was stuttering again-- and it wasnt a vexed stutter like what she was doing earlier. Her hand slipped off his fingers and he jerked his hand up as if to catch it-- he didnt want to let her go. It forced him to REALLY focus on what she was trying to say. He'd nod or shake his head slightly as she went on, his features perplexed, struggling to follow her words-- that she clung onto... what they had? That
special moment they had together no matter how brief it was?
... that perhaps it was nothing more than a random fling?
A fling. Naturally he has heard of the word but he doesnt fully understand what it means. How can he when he has nothing to compare against? All these emotions he feels for this girl-- it was all new to him. The kind of silliness that he rolls his eyes with on other people-- he was in the thick of it right now. Was this overwhelmingly wonderful feeling something so commonplace-- or as she says now-- hormonal?
Of course his logical know-it-all inner voice starts kicking in about the technicalities of biological chemistry and emotions butthatsnotwhathesreferringto!
His gaze shifted lower until they rested on the blade of grass squished against his shoes. The swing was completely still now, although really it could've been swinging off its hinges and it wouldnt have mattered given how stunned he feels at the moment.
After a while he found his voice
"Louisa... I will be completely honest with you. I don't know what a fling is. If its as shallow as it sounds then I will say what I feel for you right now.... its nothing shallow...or something I can just shrug off and enter in my journal as an interesting experience worth noting..." Although yes Louisa does have entries there... several pages in fact. Slowly he shifts his eyes towards her face, gazing directly into those grey-blues, the entire garden seemingly melting away until it was just them
"I really like you Louisa, ever since we made this swing, but I've always kept my emotions in check because thats what I've gotten used to. It how I was raised. And yes I was under the impression that you were interested in other guys far better than I was and was more worth your time." He glances away as his memories immediately drifts to Paulie and Adam-- one extremely loud, the other a quieter reserve-- but both had the kind of confidence and a way they carried themselves that something Vickers admired. Maybe thats why he liked them as friends too-- they were a natural spring of something he had to constantly fill in himself.
"So... just being able to hang around you-- being your friend-- I was happy with that, because it allows me to spend some time with you." He takes what he could get you know?
He pauses and he inches his hand towards hers again, bit by bit, first her pinky then her ring finger
"What happened in your home over the summer-- yes I understand under what conditions they were-- but you know..... I had no regrets." Those piercing blues now looks into her grey-blues, to show to her that he speaks no lies.
"You may hate me for saying this..... but looking back I was kinda thankful it happened that way... because without having felt so free.... I dont think we would have happened at all." He fingers now rests lightly within hers
"My doubts and my fears wouldve paralyzed me to keeping things as they were-- to what was safe and comfortable for me-- and like everything else in my life that I would've wanted to pursue-- I had let it slip by."
Pause...
"I wouldnt want to let you slip by Louisa."