 The Kisapaths | Sila!Roti | -2 | TouchableHair | ToiletPaperGuy | QueenOfConfusion
While Lewis couldn't see Kurumi's reactions to his words, he could very well hear them...and feel them as well. They were quite close, lying there on the floor, so close in fact that he did feel the shiver running over her. It made his hands and rest of his body shake for a moment before he bit down on his lip again and took a deep breath. They were so close right now that he could almost feel her breath on his face when she gasped. Almost. Maybe that was just his imagination, though.
Not that any of that mattered to him right now. He had to say what he wanted to say and it was a lot easier when he wasn't looking at her. Maybe some would have called it cowardly but right now all he could think about was what was going on inside of him. Right now it felt that getting those words out was the only to hold on to the last few strings that were keeping his body together right now. So he wouldn't just break apart completely.
Only once they had left his mouth, though, it felt as if they were having the exact opposite effect on him.
His eyes now finally on hers, Lewis dropped his hand away from his face, shaking his head slightly when she did. Was she saying that all of that wasn't true? Well, it was. Lewis knew that now and Kurumi couldn't change that. He had failed and now all he could do was pick up the pieces of his broken life and...what was he going to do though? The more he tried the less he could picture what he would do if he walked away from Kurumi now.
Though, there still was everything he had just said, everything that was coursing through his body right now that was telling him that that was what he should do: walk away and save himself. Kurumi was a lost cause. She was broken beyond repair. He had tried to mend her, tried to fix her, might have even partially succeeded but now it seemed as if he'd just put a band-aid over it without actually healing her wounds. And just like that, with a few sheets of parchment, Jonathan had managed to just wrip the band-aid off and reveal the wounds, opened them again, made Lewis realize that the last couple of months had just been a fantasy. A fantasy they might have both believed in. But it wasn't reality.
And now that they were confronted with reality, they were both on the floor. Literally.
It was almost as if he'd just suddenly lost the ability to read her. Normally he had been somewhat able to tell what was going on inside of her but now, looking into her eyes he was just lost. It was probably because all the pain and frustration building up inside of him just wouldn't let him see it. See what was there in her eyes. So he could only react to she said out loud. And the fact that it took her a moment to reply, that she didn't object immediately only proved to him that he was right.
But then she did finally speak. Lewis just looked down at her hand taking a hold of his, neither pulling back nor reacting in any other way to it. His hand felt numb somehow. If he hadn't been looking at it, he wouldn't even have known that she was holding it. His eyes didn't move anywhere else even when she said that she didn't want to lose him. That she couldn't lose him. It brought him back to the conversation they'd had a couple of months ago, where he'd said that she wouldn't lose him. Right now, he wasn't so sure about that though.
And it scared him. Because frankly he didn't want to lose her either. But somehow right now it seemed inevitable.
"You don't know what you want, Kurumi..." It was the first time he'd said her name since he'd come back inside, and it cut through him like a knife. But what he said, it was true. "Otherwise you wouldn't still want Jonathan to have feelings for you..." Otherwise she wouldn't still be wearing his necklace. Otherwise she wouldn't have had such a violent reaction to the music sheets. See, there it all made sense. Only Kurumi couldn't quite see it apparently. And now she was begging him. "What...?!" His voice was laced with so much hurt it even surprised himself.
What did she want from him? |