Chapter 38: Endings and Beginnings


8 Jan.

The morning routine was busier than usual. Trunks were packed in haste, animals collected into their cages, tickets placed safely in coat pockets. Leaving time for King’s Cross Station was in little over an hour. The kitchen was frenzied, full of teens and adults alike reaching over each other to grab the orange juice and pass the butter. The only noticeable difference was the uncomfortable silence between Harry and Ginny, who were still refusing to speak to one another.

Upstairs, Hermione stirred in her place next to Draco. She heard the level of activity and did a mental calculation of the date. Merlin’s beard! It was the day they were all returning to school. She sprang out of bed too fast and sat back down quickly, trying to stop the spinning of the room. Her motions woke Draco.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” he asked in a tired whisper.

“Today we go back to school! I haven’t packed anything!” she cried, steadying herself on the post of the bed as she attempted to stand again.

Draco regarded her with surprise. “Hermione, you don’t actually think they’re going to let us go back to school today,” he said.

“Well, of course they are! We can’t just stay here and miss class. We can rest there and still be able to keep up with homework. We can help each other.”

Draco sat up in bed with a great deal of effort. “Hermione, slow down. We can’t go back to school,” he said quietly.

She stopped moving. “What do you mean, we can’t?”

He sighed and looked her in the eyes. She didn’t understand. But then again, how much experience did she have understanding the ways of dark wizards, other than the past few days?

“Hermione, it’s not safe for us there right now,” he said with some difficulty, his newly-mended ribs making it painful to speak. “Even though Hogwarts is one of the safest places, there are too many possibilities for trouble. My father’s not going to rest until he finds us. The Dark Lord may have dispatched a great number of Death Eaters with the sole command of bringing us to him. That is something you never want to experience,” he said darkly.

“But-we have to sit for our N.E.W.T.’s, and we’re learning Apparation, and I have so much to accomplish there,” she protested, pushing away the new reality she was faced with.

It hurt him to see her so distraught, and know that his words would only cause her more pain. Why is it that I still keep causing her pain? “Hermione, please come here. Just for a moment.”

She turned back reluctantly and sat on the edge of the bed. He took her hands in his. “Hermione,” he began,” we’ll figure something out about school. Nothing will get in the way of you learning whatever you wish to learn. But, right now, our very presence could bring danger to everyone at Hogwarts, and we can’t risk that.”

Frustrated tears formed in her eyes as Draco poked holes in every argument she could think of. He was right. There would be no Hogwarts for them. Not now, and perhaps not ever. The latter was something she couldn’t bring herself to consider. She sat on the edge of the bed with her head down, and let her future fall away from her in the form of defeated tears.

Jean entered the room and found her daughter crying and Draco rubbing her back, regret painted on his face. “What is it, sweetie?”

“We can’t g-go, can we?” she hiccupped, hoping to heaven that her mother would contradict her.

Jean’s face fell, and she joined Hermione on the side of the bed. She knew what a terrible blow this would be. “No, baby, not right now. It’s just not safe.”

“B-but it’s my sixth year, and I was preparing for… I had so many dreams…and they’ve ruined everything!” she cried out.

Draco hung his head in the bed. That’s what my family does best. Ruin everything.

“We’ll find a way,” Jean soothed her, “you’ll still learn everything you need, I promise.”

Hermione stood up. “I need to be alone for a moment.”

Draco looked anxious at the thought, but Jean knew her daughter’s way of dealing with bad news. “Of course, sweetie. We’ll just be here if you need us.”

Hermione left the room without another word and slammed the door behind her. Jean turned to Draco; he looked so distressed. She placed her hand on his arm. “She’ll be all right. This is her way of dealing with things.”

He shook his head. “She shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. This is crueler than nearly everything she went through at the Manor.” He refused to call it his home.

Jean cringed at the mention of it. She squeezed his arm and replied, “She’s going to need all of us to help her get through this.”

He looked up into her eyes. “She will always have me.”

Jean leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the temple. “And you will be most important to her.”

****

Hermione ran into Ginny in the hallway. Ginny already knew; she flung her arms around her best friend and cried with her. “I’m going to miss you so much!” she whimpered. “This isn’t fair!”

Hermione looked at her friend. “Life isn’t fair, Ginny.” She stroked Ginny’s hair, soft and shiny from its recent cleansing. She could smell the citrusy scent of her friend’s shampoo. How much she was going to miss that smell in the early morning of the common room. The thoughts of everything she was losing were hurtling at her, one after another. She squeezed Ginny’s arm. “I have to go now. I’ll see you off.” And with that, she made her way quickly to the hall bathroom and wept.

****

In an instant, it seemed, it was time to leave. Harry, Ron, and Ginny stood in the hallway leading to the front door of the house. They were each carrying knapsacks and levitating their trunks behind them. Arthur was starting the car and Molly was flitting about, making last-minute checks in case anyone forgot something. Jean had come down to help, and was carrying Arnold, Ginny’s pygmy puff and Pigwidgeon, Ron’s owl, in their cages. They heard Hermione come timidly down the stairs. Holding her head high, she blinked back her tears and exhaled. She could do it; she could see them off.

She gave Ginny another huge hug. “You’d better owl me every day!” she ordered. Ginny remained stoic as well; she wasn’t going to let her tears set Hermione off again.

Hermione took a deep breath and looked toward Harry and Ron. She was still furious with them, but she knew she’d never forgive herself if, God forbid, something happened and she never saw them again. She couldn’t let their last words be in anger.

“Goodbye, Harry,” she said simply, giving him a hug. “Be safe, alright? And please owl me.”

Harry choked up a bit. “Of course, Hermione. I’m so sorry.” She nodded her head and moved over to Ron
.
This was ten times harder. She was ten times more angry with him. She stood on tiptoe and gave him a hug, but there was barely any feeling in it. It was the best she could do right now. “Study hard and don’t wait until the last minute to start your assignments. Be careful on the Quidditch pitch, too. Have a good term,” she managed.

He hugged her back, his eyes filled with sadness. “I’m really sorry, Hermione.”

She nodded her head and closed her eyes to keep her emotions at bay. “I know.”

Arthur came in from the cold. “Everyone ready? It’s time to go.”

Hermione stepped back and let them all pass through the door, with Molly following. Molly paused and took Hermione’s face in her hands. “We’ll fix it, we will.” She patted her cheek and followed her brood out of the house. Hermione was left alone in the hall with her mother.

Jean put her hands on her daughter’s shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze. “I’m so very sorry, honey.” Hermione said nothing as she watched her life leave without her as the door closed.

****

Jean spent the rest of the day taking turns checking on Hermione and Draco. At first, Hermione had donned her coat and scarf, and sat by herself on the backyard steps with a cup of hot cocoa. She didn’t cry; she simply stared off into space, contemplating what her new future would hold. A future without Hogwarts.

When it became too cold to stay outside, she had moved into the parlor, choosing the couch Jean and Tom had slept on rather than the one that reminded her of how she arrived. She held a book in her hand and absentmindedly turned the pages without absorbing any words. What would she do now? What would her purpose be? These were the thoughts that filled her mind as she sat in the parlor.

Jean brought her some grilled cheese and tomato soup, and sat there to make sure Hermione at least took a few bites. Then she took an identical tray upstairs. She knocked on Draco’s door and waited to see if he was asleep. He called her in.

“Herm-?” His face fell a bit. “Oh, hello Mrs. Granger,” he said politely.

“She’s down in the parlor, having lunch. I brought you some as well.” She helped him to sit up and placed the tray on his lap. He immediately picked up his spoon and slid it into the soup. It was creamy and spiced with basil, and it warmed him all the way down to his toes. It caused him to do something quite uncharacteristic: he said thank-you.

“Well, you’re very welcome, dear,” she answered and smiled at him. For all the arrogance and bravado she’d heard about him, he seemed more soft-spoken and shy. She realized that she had an awful lot to learn about the young man who took on the job of Hermione’s guardian angel.

“We’ve been quite preoccupied with Hermione’s well-being; how are you faring, darling?”

Draco winced. His mother called him darling. She felt a million miles away from him right now. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and sighed. “I’m fine. No one needs to worry about me.”

Jean gently rubbed his arm. “Well, we do. I do. And Hermione does too. You are a hero, sweetheart. I owe you everything. You brought my child back to me! Do you know how much it hurts a mother to be separated from her child?”

At once, Draco’s whole body tensed and his face went deathly pale. Alarmed, Jean reached for him and he pulled away from her. He was shaking. Jean thought back through the last things that were said and could have killed herself for the blunder she’d made.

“Oh! Oh, Draco, how thoughtless of me! I’m so sorry! Your mother- I’m sure this has to be so hard on the both of you. You must miss her so much. And she doesn’t even know that you’re safe, does she?”

He shook his head. His breaths came whistling through gritted teeth as both the physical pain and the emotional anguish overtook him. “We fought. The last thing we ever did was fight with each other.” He buried his face in his hands. “I want my mother,” he whispered almost inaudibly.

Jean slid a tentative hand around his shoulders. “When Hermione gained her family back, you lost your own.” She closed her eyes as tears cascaded down her cheeks. She wanted to gather up this boy and hold him in her lap and make everything better. “We will find a way to bring your mother to you somehow; that will be my personal mission. But, until then, I will always be here for you. I’m a poor substitute, I know, but I’ll always be here." She scooted closer to him on the bed and gently wrapped her arms around him.

He allowed her to hold him, partly because he was too weak to push her away and partly because he needed to be held. His tears burned hot on his face and dripped from his chin to her arm, and she held him tighter. It struck him that he was being comforted by a Muggle mother, the polar opposite of his own. And it didn’t matter- the arms of a mother always feel loving to the child held within them. I love you, Mum. Someday I’ll make all of this up to you, I swear. Someday we’ll be free and safe, and I’ll love you the way I meant to, the way you deserve.

She waited until he was ready to let go, then sat back and smoothed the hair from his forehead. He looked so young. She kissed him on his head and stood up from the bed. “Eat up, or your soup will get cold,” she said as normally as she could manage. “I’ll be back soon.” She closed the door behind her and headed to the very same bathroom in the hall that her daughter had used just a few hours before. And, just like her daughter, she had a good cry there, too.

****

That evening, as the sun set over London, the members of the Order of the Phoenix met at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. There were important matters to discuss.

Dumbledore called the meeting to order. “Ladies and gentlemen, we are here to decide the best possible course of action to take regarding Hermione and Draco. Certainly, our number one priority is to keep them safe. But what shall we do beyond that?”

Ideas were offered, discussed, rejected. But slowly, a consensus began to build. Each member voted, and the ayes heavily outweighed the nays. The group made their way up the stairs to the room Hermione and Draco were in.

The two looked up in surprise as the entire group of adults crowded into the room. Dumbledore spoke first. “I know that the two of you are aware of the danger you’re facing. It will not be safe for either of you to be seen for quite a while. I’m sure that this is discouraging and frustrating, but it is necessary. Now Hermione, I know that missing school is devastating to you, so I’ve arranged to Apparate you both once a week to Hogwarts to be given your lessons in private. No one except the teachers will know you are there.”

Hermione perked up at the news. “May I have all of the textbooks here?”

Dumbledore smiled. “Yes, and I’ll throw in a few of my favorite books too.”

Hermione closed her eyes and smiled. It was something, at least. “Thank you so much, Professor. It means the world to me.”

The old wizard grinned at her, then turned to Draco. “You have had a lifetime of experience with the Dark side of magic, and I am sure you have been privy to some of the plans of Voldemort and his regime.”

Draco shuddered. “If you knew half of what I know, what I’ve seen…”

“That’s exactly what we want to know,” replied Dumbledore. “Which is why we are prepared to offer you membership into the Order of the Phoenix.”

Draco looked confused. “The what?”

Dumbledore smiled. Aha. So Hermione didn’t tell him about the Order. Smart girl, as always. “The Order of the Phoenix. We are a special society of wizards and witches who are dedicated to stopping Voldemort’s advances and to defeat him once and for all. This isn’t just a regular house we stand in- it is the Headquarters of the Order. I am the founder of this allegiance, and everyone you see before you are brave and dedicated members. If you have truly turned your back on the ways of Dark Magic, and the plans of Voldemort, you could be of great help to us.”

Draco shook his head. “But how could you trust me with something like this?”

“You will of course begin with a probationary period of time, where you will be mentored and monitored to ensure your heart is in the right place,” Dumbledore replied. “I know it won’t be easy for you, but nothing worthwhile comes easily. We believe in you, Draco, and we want to help you. Will you accept this offer and help us as well?”

Draco looked at the faces in the room. Some were beaming with encouragement. A few were somber and uncertain. He turned and looked at Hermione for her reaction.

She tenderly held his hand and smiled at him. “I think this is where you belong. I want you here. Accept the offer and be protected. And then help us like you helped me. Can you do that?”

Draco took a deep breath. Accepting meant his decision was final, that he was turning his back on his family and the only way of life he knew. It meant fighting against everything he was taught to fight for. But one look at Hermione convinced him that there was no other life he wanted than the one with her by his side.

“Yes- I want to help,” he replied, his heart hammering in his chest. He was choosing again- it was an amazing and terrifying feeling. He took another deep breath. “I want to join and help in any way I can,” he said, new-found conviction strengthening his voice. Hermione squeezed his hand and put her head on his shoulder. He could scarcely breathe. Is this what doing the right thing feels like?

A stream of affirmations rippled through the adults, and Kingsley had just taken a step toward Draco when there was a knock at the door.

“Sorry I’m late.”

Draco turned toward the voice and saw the very last person he expected to see. Severus Snape stood in the doorway, his usual apathetic expression altered slightly by the hint of a smile. Draco’s mouth fell open and he gaped at the man, confused beyond reason. “But you- but I thought- wait, I don’t understand-”

“Severus has been working for us for many years,” explained Dumbledore. “He has taken great personal risk to act as a spy on the inside of Voldemort’s army, supplying us with vital and timely information.”

Severus looked at his nephew (for that is what he felt for Draco) and smirked at the boy’s comical expression of disbelief. “Surprise,” he said flatly.

Dumbledore beckoned him into the room. “Severus, will you do the honors?” The black-cloaked man nodded and stood before Draco, who was still reeling at the revelation.

“Come here,” he instructed, and Draco obeyed. Severus brought up his wand and placed the point of it on Draco's chest, just above his heart. As he spoke, the wand's point began to glow a soft red, illuminating Draco's skin.

“Will you, Draco Malfoy, provide to the best of your ability, aid and support to the Order of the Phoenix? Do you turn your back on the ways of Dark Magic? Will you, to the best of your ability, work to rid the Wizarding World of any evil that threatens it? Will you give your very life for this cause?”

Draco hesitated a moment, pondering everything that was asked of him. His very life? But then again, he’d give his life for Hermione in an instant. Why wouldn’t he give his life for a cause that would keep her safe from harm? He met Severus’s eyes and held them fast.

“I will.”

Again, there bloomed a hint of a smile from his uncle’s face. The soft red light disappeared and Severus placed his wand back in his cloak. Draco felt almost light-headed, taking in the full measure of what he’d just agreed to.

Tonks was the first to give him a hug, followed by a warm handshake from Remus. Mad-Eye gave him a pat on the shoulder that made his whole body hurt, and Molly kissed the top of his head. He’d never seen so many people smile at him. It felt so good he couldn’t even speak.

He looked at Hermione. She had tears in her eyes, but they were joyful. She leaned forward, unabashed, and kissed him. Draco knew in that moment he had made the right decision.

He was proud of himself, really proud of himself. Maybe, just maybe he could begin to believe that he had something worthwhile to offer the world. For the first time, he felt no fear that his actions would harm him. He had chosen what was right, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Fin


So here I am, getting teary-eyed as I copy the last few words of my story. It has been such a journey for me, and I'm so grateful for all of you that took the journey with me. Your words of encouragement have meant the world.

I am currently in the very basic stages of writing the sequal (don't we want to know if Draco and Hermione truly fall in love? And what about his mother- will they see each other again? What will Draco's life be like within the Order? And what will happen as Lucius's rage fuels him on a tireless hunt for his traitor son?) All that and more are coming in Part II!

So thank you again, my lovely lovely readers- it has been an honor and a privilege to write for you. Love, Stefanie