The scooting away gesture sent a thousand knife poking Louisa's chest and she watched the space between them widen. She saw him giving her that sarcastic look as if the obvious was just too ridiculous and far-fetched to be observed by him - that this was why he was so clueless about it all. Even after she'd told him she really liked him. That didn't sting any less from that time four months ago.

And she's just known that it wasn't her 'love' for him that made it painful, it was the fact that wasn't desirable. Not even by someone who'd known her as a friend - a close one. His sarcastic words about being special didn't hurt at all. The scooting away did it all. She gave a humorless bitter smile and nodded.

Then came his request. The one she promised not to turn down. Make him remember. "There's not much." She had to clear her throat because her voice came out croaked, "We..uh.. just talked for a few minutes. Maybe fifteen, I can't..remember." There started the lying, "I asked you about your stay at Ellie's and you told me her story." No mention of hand holding, grinning, sweet silly words he'd uttered to her. Those were to stay a secret even from him. She'd enjoyed them a lot at the time but now they just seemed so wrong. "I was shocked. I knew I shouldn't have sneaked Frog-Saliva soaps into her trunk, giving you hiccuping sweets or that potion." The words just flew out of her mouth. The confessions were dangerous but she didn't care anymore because really what would he do more than scooting away from her? "And I left right away." Maybe that was the only good thing she'd offered the couple - fleeing.

And he started to speak in a louder tone, anger not quite obvious, but she could hear that frustration and bitterness dripping from his words. She didn't flinch, wince or shout back as she used to do. She just listened, looked down at the space between them and let him ask questions, hiss his disapproval, she even expected him to jump at her and shook her hard. He didn't. He wouldn't. She knew it.

I love her... Louisa nodded once he finished. Her mouth pulled downward at the corners. "When you die for someone, you do love them." She was surprised at how calm and reasonable she sounded. But it was natural considering the times she thought about it and got used to the idea of them both belonging together. Besides, she did have a chance with Joao, didn't she?

She lifted her head to face him, awkwardly, and spoke, "I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear this or maybe it doesn't matter to you but I have nothing else to say, Dal." Even his name sounded different at the moment. "I wanted you to feel the same way I did in the summer. That was what I wanted. I wanted you to feel what it was like for me and perhaps drop that sarcastic attitude you give me every time I speak of this with you. I didn't want anything more." That was the truth, too. She did consider him and Ellie fighting because of it but it was just a bonus, Louisa thought. That wasn't a goal.