Dear all you whoevers,
What in bloody Merlin's beard is this? A journal? Lola Jones's diary?! EW! WHY AM I―INFECTIOUS THING―I'll continue writing because this diary is horrifically tragic and the type of girl that I am... I'll help this poor thing and get it out of the garbage can. Who even
reads these? You know what... UGH. You're all disgusting people and if you're reading this, you should know that
I am your
REAL Queen―LOLA JONES IS A FAKE. Whoever believes whatever's spouting out of that pathetic fraud is just an embarrassment to our Wizarding society. I should introduce myself, yes? Knowing
my name and status will definitely impact your life in the best ways imaginable.
My name is VELMA WARFIELD.
DO YOU HEAR THAT? VELMA WARFIELD. I DO NOT DO NICKNAMES. I WAS BORN OUT OF RAGE AS VELMA AND I WILL ALWAYS BE VELMA. MY NAME IS ONLY TWO SYLLABLES. NOW IF YOU'RE AN INCOMPREHENSIBLE NITWIT THAT'S INCAPABLE OF USING ONE SECOND OF YOU'RE POOR MISERABLE LIFE SAYING MY NAME, THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? ON SECOND THOUGHT, HALF OF YOU AREN'T EVEN WORTHY OF SPEAKING MY NAME. WHEN YOU SEE ME IN PUBLIC YOU WILL NOT LOOK AT ME, YOU WILL NOT TALK TO ME, YOU WILL NOT EVEN BREATH NEAR ME.YOU ARE READING MY JOURNAL AND BY DOING SO, YOU WILL ABIDE TO MY RULES. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? NO? THEN GET OUT. SERIOUSLY, JUST GO READ SOMEONE ELSE'S DIARY YOU NOSY―FILTHY CRONES.
Ahem.
Now if you're cooperative. Listen. Right now.
MY HAIR IS REAL.
I understand all the jealousy but this is just PATHETIC. I'm sorry
you weren't born with green hair, but what am I suppose to do? Do you DOUBT my royal head of hair? If you do, then look at
your hair. I simply can't stand all of these phony people and if you were part of that event during that Opening Feast―events which I cannot even remember―that did
not happen and it was merely a figment of your imagination. To clarify, MY HAIR IS MY CROWN. Now if you have the common sense or even a brain, you would know that you
never touch the royal crown.
Ew. People. Speaking about people, many people say that I am a
"conceited witch with attitude problems" (if you do, please direct yourself to tickling a sleeping dragon) and I'm just like
"EX-CUUUUUUUSE ME?" Do you not accept who I am? I am merely showing off my true colors. Now if YOU can't ACCEPT people for WHO THEY ARE, maybe
YOU'RE the one with the attitude problems, hmm?
It's alright to be jealous you know. If I were someone, I would be jealous of me too.
Goodbye, remember that I hate you.
I don't need a stinking valediction for you filthy rats,
Velma Warfield 