| Bundimun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 30
| 
A quick post...
LE
“I forgot to ask you. What are you going to do about James Potter?” says Meagan, watching me chew my toast.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’ll break his heart, you know. Then he’ll murder Sirius. Do you really want to regret shattering a heart so fragile already from your neglecting him so much?”
I snort; she’s joking. “You’re kidding, right? Why am I supposed to care what happens to him? He can find someone else to bug out of their mind.” I’ve taken a bite of my toast when I notice Meagan staring at me. “What?”
“You don’t get it, do you?” she says with a frown. “James loves you. No, listen to me. He loves you, Lily, and whatever you say won’t change that, because I know it, he knows it, we all know it.” And before I can argue, “And just maybe you love him too, but you just don’t want to say it because then you’ll be admitting that you’ve been wrong this entire time.”
“But I don’t!” I exclaim in annoyance. Meagan raises her eyebrows. “I don’t love him and I never will. You know who’s on my mind right now.”
It’s her turn to snort. “Sirius? Come on, that’s just a crush… any day now, it’ll all be over, and you won’t even remember it the rest of your life. He’s too busy being a ladies’ man to like you.”
Suddenly, it’s as though sweet, compassionate Meagan has never existed. She also seems to have realized it too, because her eyes widen and her mouth opens to apologize. But I get there first.
“You know what, Meagan? Have fun pining for Remus, because he’s probably never going to ask you out.”
“Lily –” she begins, looking hurt, but I get up.
The moment I exit the Great Hall, I regret what I’ve done. I should have been reasonable, and actually discuss the problem that I’ve been avoiding the entire time. She’s right. James, no matter how much I told him to bug off (that is probably the nicest way of putting it), would still have feelings for me; crush, love, lust, whatever it is, it would still exist.
Also, as much as I hate him, I care enough not to want to hurt him. The blow would be harder if I go for his best friend, too. But what am I supposed to do?
“Hi, Lily.”
I have absentmindedly wandered over to the boys’ bathroom, which Remus walks out of. “Oh, hey, Remus.”
“How are you? Anything bothering you?” he says, peering at my face.
“Oh, no, it’s just… well… I think I, um – actually –”
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he interrupts, giving me a smile.
He and Meagan would be perfect together. “No, I do, I just don’t know if I can.”
His head tilts slightly to the side, his amber eyes questioning.
If I arrange my words carefully, then maybe he wouldn’t have a clue. And I really need advice from a wise person. “Let’s take a walk.”
Once we are out of everyone’s (including ghosts) earshot, I take a deep breath. “Okay. I like someone. But I know I shouldn’t, because it would really hurt… someone else.”
Remus frowns and motions for me to go on.
“So I don’t know what to do.”
“Alright, so, let’s call the one you like… Bob. Do you love this guy?”
I think for a moment. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Well, what about the other one? Shall we call him Joe? What do you feel about him?”
“Nothing whatsoever. He’s not even a friend or anything. I hate him.”
Remus’s eyebrows rise and I pray that he doesn’t catch on. “Okay,” he says slowly. “Then why would liking Bob hurt Joe?”
I struggle to maintain the mystery. “Because… because Joe is, um, incredibly… infatuated. With me.”
I think I see him smile, but it vanishes as quickly as it appeared. “So basically, Joe loves you. Okay, but if Joe loved you so much, shouldn’t he be able to let you be happy?”
“I don’t think so. Not if it’s for Bob,” I mutter, staring at my shoes.
“Why not?”
“Because… because. Because Bob is… off limits. Because Bob is the one person in this world that Joe probably couldn’t bear to lose me to. Because if I’m with Bob it would tear them apart. Because Bob is…”
“Joe’s best friend,” Remus finishes quietly.
I look up tentatively as though scared he would hit me, but he merely gives me a sad, understanding smile. “I don’t know what to do,” I say miserably.
“You’re right, though,” he says gently, patting my shoulder. “It would tear them apart.”
“Please don’t tell anyone.”
He nods. “I promise I won’t. When did this start?”
“September 1st. On the train ride.”
“Ah.”
“But I can’t tell if he feels even close to the way I feel.”
“Why not?”
“He always tells me that Joe – I mean James – is a good person, and that I should give him a chance.”
“Well, I agree. You should.”
“Yes, but then the next moment he acts like he likes me! I don’t get what he’s trying to do. And he’s always snogging Desiree everywhere he goes…”
“They broke up, though.”
“What?”
“They broke up. Didn’t she tell you?”
I gasp. “No, I haven’t seen her! When? Why?”
“Last night. He didn’t tell us much, just that it wasn’t a serious thing and there was no point to it. But now I know why. The real reason.”
I stare at him, breathless. “You think?”
“Well, you see, he keeps this list of girls that he’d like to date; he made it first in our second year. He makes a new one every year, and then he crosses off names when he’s dated them. Pathetic, I know – typical of him. But a few days ago, I was suddenly dead curious to know who the lucky girls were this year, so I took a peek – I mean, he never told us not to look or anything, or that it was private – and at the bottom of the list were your initials, with a question mark beside them.”
I stop in my tracks.
“I tried to convince myself that it had to be another L.E., that there were probably plenty of other L.E.’s in this school, but the fact that he’d written it in initials and that he’s now a bit quieter than usual just proved that it was you.
“I didn’t say anything to him; his thoughts don’t like to be disturbed when they’re so confused, I know that about him. But maybe he’s finally made a decision.”
I can’t speak. “B-but what about James? He’s just going to –?”
“I don’t know. I did worry about Sirius, but now that I know that the feelings are mutual, it’s clear that he knows what he’s doing. I just hope he knows the trouble he’s getting himself into.”
“I don’t want to ruin their friendship.”
“I know you don’t. But what can you do? You can’t control what you feel.”
I suddenly want to cry. “That’s… so true. You’re so right.”
He smiles. “Ha, well. I try. Talk to him, see what happens.”
There is a pause. “Do you like Meagan?”
He takes in a sharp breath. “Um. Why?”
“You obviously do. Ask her out, please? She likes you, too.”
“Um, I never said I like her,” says Remus, flushing.
“You’re a horrible liar. Come on, for me?”
“I’ll think about it. Honestly, I will.”
I hug him. “Thanks, Remus.” |