You Cannot Brew Love
During Hogwart’s most recent potion’s class, Professor Lafay offered a discussion on poisons. While not the most charming of subjects, this goddess was able to dive into the deep end of love’s sting. Not only did the Potions Mistress enlighten young minds about poisons, as well as admit to testing them on herself which probably explains a lot, she also called out a Miss Evelyn Shepard for using a love potion on a Mr. Joshua Carter.
While Shepard denied these claims, rather pathetically as this goddess would like to point out, I think this would explain his overly bizarre behavior this term. Carter has been much more vocal and getting himself into even more trouble this term and even earned himself a detention that is rumored to have been a very sticky situation. Isn’t it clear that all this anger and pent up frustration is coming from his struggling to fight off the effects of a love potion!?
One may wonder, just how did she get her hands on this love potion? Well, I think this answer is crystal clear as the tropical sea. It is no secret that Shepard is close with Professor Lafay, so perhaps the Potions Mistress simply handed her the potion, or even taught the young witch how to brew it herself. However, the Potions Mistress does not do charity work, which begs the question: just what is she getting in return?
If you will recall from memory, dear readers, the events of my last report when I attempted wash away the mystery revolving Professor Lafay and her not-so-conspicuous trip to the broom shed. I believe it would be fair to say that Carter and Professor Vinditcus’ behaviors are similar, which means that our poor Flying-turned-Herbology Professor is also under the influence of a love potion being administered to him by nonother than the Head She-Snake herself. Snargaluff pods, which we all know come from the very dangerous Snargaluff, are rumored to be an ingredient in Love Potions for that extra bite needed to keep the potion potent for an extended amount of time. Since Professor Vindictus seems to be on good terms with this plant, and Professor Lafay craving free-range of the greenhouses, she is using his own plants against him! I don’t believe this is what he signed up for when he took a job here at Hogwarts.
But, it doesn’t seem that she-snakes are the only ones using love potions these days. A Miss Lexi Denver had sprouted a new relationship with a Mr. Stradivarius Schermerhorn S.A. Salander, who will be referred to as Salander for the remainder of this article. The two have taken up the slogan: “We’re together; like it or not,” which raises the question as to who exactly this you is referring to. There certainly has been a lot of gossip about these two and their relationship, and not all of these juicy tidbits are good, mind you. However, perhaps the one who is most against the relationship is not a third party member, but the poor innocent he-snake that has been caught in the lioness’ dangerous claws?
Yes, love potions seem like an easy means to a happy ending. But, we all know of a famous and terrible wizard that was born as a result of this dark drink…and THAT certainly did not have a fairy tale ending…
-Thoosa