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Cassirin · 08-31-2011, 10:46 PM

&

presents

"Headache at Hogwarts"
by Sectum Scribbles

As students climb aboard the Hogwarts Express and head back to the famous school in Scotland, parents all over the United Kingdom breathe a collective sigh of relief that school is once again in session. Students are anticipating their classes, the shopkeepers in Hogsmeade are preparing once again for the onslaught following their autumnal exponential population increase, and we here at the Daily Prophet are asking the oft ignored question: just what is Gaellen Tate doing up there in that castle?

Leaked reports from MLE indicate repeated Auror visits, this year's culminating in the arrest of two unknown women. Efforts to reach someone at the school regarding this matter went unanswered, but our source at MLE shared sordid tales of dangerous fires, ominous bloody messages, and more polyjuice than we could shake a bowlful of batwings at. Top that with reports of torrid professor romances, the destruction of the entire collection of school brooms, and a stream of serious injuries so steady it drove the fragile Healer Lilyan Moretti to resign in protest, and we at the Prophet can only conclude that Headmaster Tate has lost all semblance of control over his staff and students.

Legend holds that the school responds to its legitimate Head, and all reports suggest that the castle itself is now in full revolt. There is no better indication that all is not as it should be than by the massive recurrent staff turnover rate. In addition to losing a Healer, Hogwarts also lost several highly regarded staff members, professionals Tate touted last term as ‘the best in their respective fields.’ If the best in their fields just quit working at Hogwarts, it leaves this reporter wondering who that leaves to fill their enormous shoes.

“There’s more than one best in every field,” the Headmaster responded to our question, leaving a clear indication the man has only a rudimentary grasp on the English language. Arguably, ‘best’ cannot mean several. When pressed for additional details, the man colorfully suggested this reporter ‘take a long walk off a short pier,’ followed by a series of grunts that sounded something like: “Why don’t you introduce your face to my fist?”

If our sources at the Ministry are correct, the recently departed staff will be sorely missed. Incoming professors are reported to include several recent mothers with babies in tow, a shopkeeper's assistant, a bookbinder, a vampire enthusiast, a blacksmith, and someone so impressed with their own celebrity, they refuse last names.

This reporter supposes that only time will tell if the new ‘best’ staff will last the extreme professional test of working at Hogwarts, and we pose a new question for the Minister of Magic.

How bad does it have to get before you replace the former lawman with an actual educator?

08-31-2011, 10:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
Cassirin Site Manager Manticore Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Nom nom nom Posts: 43,198 Hogwarts RPG Name: Mercer Branxton Ravenclaw Seventh Year x7 x8	Made of Awesome \| Ern-la the Best-wa \| TZ's Apogee & presents "Headache at Hogwarts" by Sectum Scribbles As students climb aboard the Hogwarts Express and head back to the famous school in Scotland, parents all over the United Kingdom breathe a collective sigh of relief that school is once again in session. Students are anticipating their classes, the shopkeepers in Hogsmeade are preparing once again for the onslaught following their autumnal exponential population increase, and we here at the Daily Prophet are asking the oft ignored question: just what is Gaellen Tate doing up there in that castle? Leaked reports from MLE indicate repeated Auror visits, this year's culminating in the arrest of two unknown women. Efforts to reach someone at the school regarding this matter went unanswered, but our source at MLE shared sordid tales of dangerous fires, ominous bloody messages, and more polyjuice than we could shake a bowlful of batwings at. Top that with reports of torrid professor romances, the destruction of the entire collection of school brooms, and a stream of serious injuries so steady it drove the fragile Healer Lilyan Moretti to resign in protest, and we at the Prophet can only conclude that Headmaster Tate has lost all semblance of control over his staff and students. Legend holds that the school responds to its legitimate Head, and all reports suggest that the castle itself is now in full revolt. There is no better indication that all is not as it should be than by the massive recurrent staff turnover rate. In addition to losing a Healer, Hogwarts also lost several highly regarded staff members, professionals Tate touted last term as ‘the best in their respective fields.’ If the best in their fields just quit working at Hogwarts, it leaves this reporter wondering who that leaves to fill their enormous shoes. “There’s more than one best in every field,” the Headmaster responded to our question, leaving a clear indication the man has only a rudimentary grasp on the English language. Arguably, ‘best’ cannot mean several. When pressed for additional details, the man colorfully suggested this reporter ‘take a long walk off a short pier,’ followed by a series of grunts that sounded something like: “Why don’t you introduce your face to my fist?” If our sources at the Ministry are correct, the recently departed staff will be sorely missed. Incoming professors are reported to include several recent mothers with babies in tow, a shopkeeper's assistant, a bookbinder, a vampire enthusiast, a blacksmith, and someone so impressed with their own celebrity, they refuse last names. This reporter supposes that only time will tell if the new ‘best’ staff will last the extreme professional test of working at Hogwarts, and we pose a new question for the Minister of Magic. How bad does it have to get before you replace the former lawman with an actual educator? __________________ ★ Dawn ★ Awakening ★ Spiritual ★ Hopeful ★ Honest