Originally Posted by HaRoHeGiNeLu

"...And some of them are...for the bad?" Ellie added.

DUDE.

This was like...REAL LIFE. Like...why were they kept out of it? Ellie wanted to KNOW if things were going to affect her.

The third year took out her notebook, drew the lines, and labeled them as instructed. But... Pros...Cons... Who thinks of these things? Her family was...her family. And her friends were her friends.

What was good or bad about either of them?

Originally Posted by Hera

"But Professor, surely if you have an abusive family that do not care about you and only hurt you... then you would be better off without them... how could anyone appreciate being abused?" she asked, stating her point that sometimes... in rare instances, family meant nothing.

Turning her attention to her parchment she drew a line down the middle all the way around to the reverse side. Then labelled each side, first pro's then con's.

"I'm not sure if it's just me.. but Im seeing a trend in the pro's and con's.. I mean family is family and they share common pro's and con's whether or not they are biological or other."

BIOLOGICAL FAMILY
PROS:
- They are always going to be there for you.
- They will always love you / they give you unconditional love
- IF they are there for you, then they always will be.
- IF they love you, then they'll never stop loving you.
- There will always be someone in your family who doesn't lose hope in you.
- Family is forever.
- no matter what happens, they will always be your family
- Your family can change, can get better. (e.g. new, caring love interest after father leaves mother for a pretty, younger woman.)
- Provide necessities of life, such as: housing, food, clothing, water
- Provide for material needs
- Often more present in daily life
- If you fall ill and need an organ or blood transplant, they are a match to you.
- we share the same blood type, so if there were a medical emergency we could help one another
- Siblings know what you go through, and help you
- having siblings makes you feel even less alone
- Help you to reach your goals / always pushing you to be your best
- You might inherit their good genes (looks, health, etc.).
- They care for you and care what happens to you.
- they provide a sense of belonging / awareness of family traditions and history
- made up of the people I care about and that care about me
- you always have someone to talk to
- they are always present within yourself because the same blood flowing through their veins is in you
- Provide support and guidance in all your endeavors
- Parents can be fun too!
- When you feel down and dejected, they are ones who will stand by your side.
- They will be with you through the right and the wrong
- Money and reputation, if it's there.




CONS:
- Your "family" isn't always there for you.
- They can be immature.
- Pride, customs and arguments can ruin family relationships.
- Some family members will judge you as if you were your parents.
- You can never win with older family members.
- Family doesn't last for ever / you might lose one to death too soon.
- Families can fall apart and break up.
- Divorce.
- There is the power to disown and disinherit family members, both from wills and the actual family.
- You have to love them, because they're your family.
- Big brothers like to bully you. (PRO: This is only because they love you, though. <3)
- Being compared with said brother by others
- Competition between siblings and family members can take turns for the worse, affecting people emotionally.
- you MUST conform / ideally they want you to adhere to expectations
- Are harder to get rid off as they will always be a part of you (some may put this as a pro)
- Must obey their rules / very strict about certain rules
- Expected to live/do how/what they want without question
- be expected to take over the family business even if it isn't your dream
- Arn't always there when you need them
- Get caught it the middle of arguments you can never get away from
- May not always let you do what you want
- May not get along well / May not accept you
- You might inherit their bad genes (looks, heath, etc.)
- You can't choose them
- Feel entitled to hurt you because they believe since you are family you must forgive them
- If they leave, they leave roles in the family that need to be filled.
- parents push their ideas onto you and insist that they are right
- if there is a history of disease, there is a chance that you will get it as well - like cancer
- have scary grandparents that pinch your cheeks
- they lie to you and keep secrets
- They all suck.
- May not appreciate you or respect you as an individual
- May not have time for you due to other commitments
- They know when you are not being yourself and will point it out
- They are first to point out when you are being wrong or mean
- When you want to be alone, they don't let you because they love you
- More room for disappointment from parents to child. And from child to parents.
- Expectations are higher. Not good.
- They can have more children. Little brothers specifically.
- They say they love you, but deep down, they don’t! They can’t wait to get rid of you when you turn seventeen.
- They can set all the rules in your life up until you turn seventeen. And even then, some of them still continue.
- Always demanding respect because ‘they’re your family’.
- Must have a presentable image so you don’t shame, embarrass, or disappoint them.
- May have other commitments before or more important to them then you.
- You get sucked into their arguments.
- Sometimes forced to choose sides.


FAMILY OF FRIENDS AND ROLE MODELS
PROS:
- You choose who your friends are, and who it is you look up to.
- These people came into your life because they chose to be there, not because they had to be there.
- They care for you and care what happens to you.
- You love your friends for who they are, not because you HAVE to, and vice versa.
- They like you because you ARE you and want to know you
- They accept you for who you are.
- They are fun to be with.
- They are great listeners / Emotionally present
- They're always there for you / Stick with you until the end
- They're loyal
- You always seem to have more in common, therefore more fun with friends
- You can trust them and know (sometimes) they have something in common with you, so they can relate.
- Get along well / know you best out of anyone
- Friend cheer you up and help you get through tough situations
- Can assume roles of absent members of biological family
- Always willing to lend a helping hand
- They are someone who you can go to about anything
- When you need someone to be there they are never far away
- They make you laugh and you feel comfortable around them. You can be yourself.
- You choose them, so they are always the people you need
- When you love someone to the point of calling them family they are special people
- You aren't being judged 24/7.
- You are the one that chooses who stays or goes, instead of being stuck with people you don't like.
- You aren’t stuck with the people that are in your actual family.

CONS:
- Friendships can break up much easier than biological families.
- Sometimes they drift apart from you and there is nothing you can do about it. People change.
- If you hurt them, they'll go away forever / Because they don't have to be in your life, they may leave you for good if something bad (argument, divorce, etc.) ever happens.
- You can choose the wrong friends/role models
- Not your biological family
- Might not be accepted by your biological family
- They all suck.
- Their intentions for having you might be bad
- might try to mold you to their taste
- They have their own family already / sense of not belonging
- Might not have time for you
- They may not be aware of family medical history
- Can't always be around
- When they hurt you, it hurts, because you trusted them
- One should be rather careful with who you choose.



Adoptive Family
Pros
-They chose you, so therefore must WANT you
-They're fair and understanding
-They actually want to know you
-They need you like you need them. To them, your not an accident.
-They can act like a normal family

Cons
-Can turn into/like your old family
-Arn't actually your real parents. (They never gave birth to you) so in that sence, you'll never belong to them
-Other family members may be jelous/dislike you for 'intruding' in their family
- They all suck.